


Through the Looking Glass

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-22
Updated: 2006-08-20
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6456985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future fic. Set 17 years later from season 4. Lilah never returned after being saved from the beast, Wesley hasn't seen her since then. Let's see how Wesley deals with a 'sudden appearance' from someone he's never seen before. Just assume Cordy woke up from coma somewhere inbetween.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tunnel Called Life

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

Through the Looking Glass 

1\. The tunnel called life

Sometimes Wesley wondered whether his life actually still had purpose. Of course, he worked with Angel, who saved the world as easily as he would buy apples or milk, but what did ‘he’ do? Angel saved the world, Cordelia had the visions, Gunn had the muscles, Fred the brains, and Wesley...

Maybe Wesley had a bit of all, and according to the others ‘he’ had the brains. Yet Fred had the potential to become so much more than he was now, and then what would happen to him? Of course his friends loved him, that was obvious. But Wesley just couldn’t get the idea that he wanted more out of his head...

With a sigh he closed his books and headed over to the lobby. They hadn’t had a lot of customers lately, so Wesley was positively surprised when he found a woman entering the Hyperion Hotel.

‘Good morning, miss. How may I help you?’, Wesley asked her. As he walked closer, he soon came to the conclusion that she was still a girl, 16, maybe 17 years old. She was however the kind of girl who tried to look older. And she did, with her black high heels and her Chanel lady’s suit she looked like at least 21.

From a distance.

If you came closer you would notice that the youthful features in her face betrayed her, despite of the mature haircut.

‘This is Angel Investigations, right?’, she asked, looking Wesley straight in the eye. Where had he seen those eyes before?

‘Um... Yes, it is.’, he replied, slightly caught of guard by her penetrating look.

‘Perfect. I heard about it. And you are?’, she questioned. Her voice had something familiar too.

‘Wesley Wyndham-Pryce.’. Still the well-mannered man he was, Wesley held out his hand to her. She seemed to shake off her confidant attitude for a split second the moment he had told her his name, but it might as well just have been his imagination.

‘I’m Gabrielle Morgan.’, she introduced herself, shaking his hand, never letting go of his eyes.

Morgan... Where had Wesley heard that name before?

Of course... Lilah... How could he forget?

Wesley didn’t think this girl was related to her, though. As far as he knew she didn’t have any relatives besides an old mother with Alzheimer who was probably dead by now. And besides, Morgan was a common last name.

‘A pleasure meeting you, miss Morgan. Is there anything we can help you with?’.

Gabrielle finally looked away from him and started to walk through the lobby, looking around. ‘Actually, I’m looking for a job.’.

‘A job?’, Wesley raised his eyebrows. ‘I don’t think we...’, he was cut off by Cordelia who had entered at some point without him noticing.

‘Yes we do!’, she walked over to the two of them. ‘ Gabrielle, right? We talked over the phone, good to see you’re here!’, Cordy said, shaking the girl’s hand. In the mean time, Wesley still stood looking confused. ‘Cordelia, I don’t remember us talking about hiring someone.’.

‘That’s probably because we didn’t. I asked Angel if we could have someone to help us with the paperwork, and that kind of things.’, Cordelia explained. She glanced from Gabrielle to Wesley and came to the somewhat strange conclusion that they both had exactly the same eyes. Funny, maybe they were far relatives, as in the cousin of a cousin of a cousin or something. Could be, if you didn’t put strong belief in Charles Darwin’s Evolution-theory.

‘And what was his answer to that?’, Wesley inquired, finding it rather strange that Angel would agree to this idea despite of their lack of money.

‘Well, it sounded like ‘hmm’, but as in ‘leave me alone’. He was brooding, so I figured I could take that as a yes.’, Cordy replied with a shrug.

Wesley sighed and felt possibly even more shut out than before. Did he even have a say in this? He turned to Gabrielle and excused them for a moment. He took Cordelia into his office. ‘We can’t afford to hire someone, and besides, how are you going to let a ‘normal’ mortal girl work with people like us?’’, Wesley said, a bit annoyed by his friend’s irresponsibility.

‘People like us? We’re very nice people!.’, she joked.

‘You know very well what I mean, Cordelia.’.

‘Of course I know what you mean. And no worries, I’m not stupid. She knows about demon-stuff. ‘.

‘She knows? How? What is she?’. There was something about the girl he didn’t trust. Somehow he felt like she had something to hide.

‘She’s a ‘normal’, mortal girl, like you said, with an aunt who happens to be a witch. She doesn’t have any powers herself, and don’t worry about the money. She agreed to an affordable salary, so relax and leave it up to me.’, Cordy said with a self-confidant smile.

Wesley sighed, once Cordelia had something in mind...

Even though Wesley, and Angel too, hadn’t been too happy about hiring Gabrielle in the first place, they were pretty satisfied with her work. She picked everything up quite fast, and did everything well and organised. They could actually find their files now when they needed them, that was a huge improvement, and none of them had even dreamed of that possibility before Gabrielle.

However, they weren’t so satisfied with Gabrielle’s personality. She was quite bitch, and wouldn’t accept any advice from anyone.

Except from Wesley.

She seemed to have a soft spot for him. Not that she was nice, but she was a little bit less mean than to the others.

In compare to Angel, Wesley and Cordelia, who were best friends and knew each other very well, they knew nothing about Gabrielle, besides her name, of course. When they asked her she would simply tell them it wasn’t their business, or avoid the subject with great skill.

‘Where do I put these files?’, she asked Wesley on one day, entering his office with her arms full of files.

‘Let’s see...’, Wesley walked over and took a look at the file which was on top. ‘Ah, these are old. Angel wants to keep them, though. You can put them in the cabinet in the lobby, if you want.’, he handed them back to her.

‘How are you doing today?’, he inquired. Somehow he felt connected to the girl, although he still didn’t completely trust her. She was too ‘mysterious’, according to him. That, ‘and’ she reminded him too much of someone he didn’t ‘want’ to remember at all. Wasn’t ‘supposed’ to remember at all. She was gone, past. She’d been just a mistake. And besides, she had disappeared and would never see him again. That was probably for the best.

‘I’m all right, thank you Mr. Wyndham-Pryce.’.

‘’Wesley’’, he corrected her. Wesley sure was one for manners, but strangely he was more comfortable with his colleagues calling him by the first name . Probably because his colleagues here were also his best friends.

Gaby nodded . ‘Wesley’, she repeated with a smile.

Just when he thought they would actually have a conversation, she turned around and disappeared into the lobby.

‘Cordelia, do you have a moment?’, Wesley sat next to her on the couch at her apartment. He needed to hear someone else’s opinion about this strange yet familiar girl.

‘Sure, what’s up?’, Cordy looked up from her glossy magazine.

‘Gabrielle... she..’.

‘She’s good! Isn’t she!’, Cordelia said enthusiastically. ‘Okay, maybe she has a bit of a surprisingly mature taste for a sixteen year-old, but there are weirder things in this world right? Like big evil creatures trying to kill us? And then I haven’t even mentioned alternate dimensions even Steven Spielberg has never thought of.’.

‘Right.’, Wesley agreed with her, a bit disappointed that apparently she didn’t share his intuitive feelings.

‘Why? You don’t have a crush on her, do you! You should get someone of your own age!’.

‘Cordelia, I do ‘not’ have a crush on this girl. And don’t even question my abilities of getting someone of my ‘own’ age.’, he defended himself. Wesley didn’t feel the need to talk about his love life at all. Possibly because there was nothing to talk about at the moment. Hasn’t been anything to talk about for a long time either.

‘Then why don’t you ? And ‘don’t ‘ use excuses like: it’s impossible with our jobs, or : I’m too busy right now’. You just ‘make’ time for a lover! So, why don’t you ?’. Cordy was always interested in the private lives of other people, even though it usually wasn’t her business. That was probably why it interested her. Wesley’s life, however, was very much her business. And she would not let one of her best friends grow old alone. She wouldn’t be Cordelia Chase if she would just let that happen, without at least trying to do something about it. Wesley just sighed, slightly frustrated. ‘Because, Cordelia.’.

‘Because, you love Fred...’, she continued on a softer tone now, more understanding. He looked down at the floor, staying quiet, which was obviously considered as a yes. Cordy put her hand on his knee, feeling sad for his one-sided love. ‘Maybe she’ll change her mind some day...’.

‘Yes, perhaps she will...’. Wesley really appreciated his friend’s concern, but he wasn’t up for it right now. He’d came here to discuss Gabrielle, not his fairly desperate love-life. It was clear now though that Cordelia had nothing negative, strange or mystical to say about the girl. Wesley figured he should ask Angel, and so that’s what he did the following day.

‘Gabrielle? She’s fine, right?’, Angel said with a frown. He was rather busy working on an important case and couldn’t care less about the character of a regular employee who reminded him just a tad too much of a certain Wolfram & Hart lawyer whom he hadn’t seen for the past 16 years and hadn’t felt the need to either.

‘She is fine, indeed.’, Wesley replied, feeling more left out than ever since none of his friends seemed to support his thoughts.

‘So then what’s the problem?’. It wasn’t that Angel was annoyed by Wesley, but he just wasn’t very good at doing two things at the same time. And so, he would have to choose between two things: an important case which could furnish them a lot of money they very much needed, or a nice chit-chat with Wesley which he could have any time of the day later. Wasn’t such a difficult decision.

‘Nothing, really... There is no problem.’, Wesley said with a sad undertone in his voice. If Angel didn’t even share his feelings, no one probably would. He turned around and walked through the dark corridor towards his own office. Would he look too much like Angel if he would leave the lights off? He just felt more comfortable in the dark tonight, the light only betrayed him. Betrayed everyone. Light made everyone think the end of the tunnel was near. Wesley knew better. When he was a child his father had always made sure there was no end of the tunnel for him. And now, as an adult, he could look right through the false promises of light. For him, there was only one light that could help him through the tunnel called life.

The one light he would never have.

‘Fred.’, he said, and looked up surprised to see her still around here at this hour. It was quite late, and he had expected everyone besides him and Angel to have gone to bed.

‘Hey.’, she smiled, and just stood there in the doorframe. If only she knew, that standing there, just like that, ‘could’ give Wesley’s life all the purpose it needed... If only Gunn wouldn’t be there to make sure it didn’t...it couldn’t... Fred wasn’t his, and Wesley would have to learn how to live with that. Perhaps, even though she didn’t know, she could be his light. Not the great, radiating life he craved for, but small and modest. Just like she was. Yea, maybe she could be that. It wasn’t the utmost happiness he could have...

But just enough.

‘I never noticed Angel’s brooding was contagious.’, Fred said wit ha smile, and turned on a little light.

‘No. Nor did I. I suppose that occasionally we all prefer dark over light.’, Wesley said.

‘Yea, that’s probably also why we work with Angel. And with preferring dark you don’t mean you’re planning on going evil, right? ‘, she inquired, concern sounding through in her sweet voice. The sweetest voice he had ever heard, according to Wesley.

Funny how light and dark are always connected with good and evil. Wesley hadn’t thought of that yet, but it explained why everyone needed the dark sometimes. No one was truly good, or ‘white’ after all. White... Black and white, two other things always connected to good and evil. That comparison made him think of something a person whom he hadn’t seen for 16 years had said once:

‘Funny thing with black and white is, if you mix it together, you get grey. And then no matter how much white you add, you’re never going to get anything but grey’. 

Lilah...

Wesley thought of her more often lately, although he didn’t really want to. She just popped up in his mind occasionally, with no reason. Probably because Gabrielle reminded him of her in a certain way. Anyway, back then Wesley hadn’t listened when she said that. But now he did, and he understood.

Wesley was grey.

Everyone was grey...

He smiled at Fred. ‘No, I’m not planning to go evil any time soon... I was just thinking.’.

Fred walked closer to his desk. ‘What were you thinking of?’.

You, he wanted to say. But that would probably only turn Fred’s life greyer. And also Gunn’s, who Wesley still considered as a good friend. So, he’d rather lie and save his friends a lot of black.

‘About Gabrielle...’.

‘O, her. She’s a little bit strange, don’t you think? ‘, Fred said, and Wesley looked up surprised. Someone actually shared his opinion.

Someone understood.


	2. Dead to Me

2\. Dead To Me

Filled with new courage and ready to rely on his intuition now he had Fred by his side, Wesley entered the Hyperion Hotel the next day. He was determined to find out who Gabrielle really was now. And he wouldn’t have to do it alone. Both Fred and Wesley had decided that it would be for the best to leave the rest of the gang out of this, they probably wouldn’t understand, and it would be too complicated if too many people got involved. Another thing was probably the fact that Wesley didn’t want to share his ‘little secret’ he had with Fred with anyone else. Finally he had something that was just of himself and Fred...   
Finally.  
‘There you are!’, Fred greeted him with a cheerful smile. She’d already started work early, so she wouldn’t get behind in her other work. After all, no one should be able to notice that saving the helpless wasn’t her number one priority right now. Of course, her job was important to her, but she was pretty sure they wouldn’t ‘really’ miss her, or even notice she was pre-occupied anyway.   
‘Good morning.’, Wesley greeted her back, also with a smile that always seemed to pop up when he saw Fred.   
‘I’ve already been busy this morning, but I haven’t really found a lot of information about her.’.  
‘That’s quite all right. I appreciate your trying.’, Wesley said, really meaning it. Even if she wouldn’t find out anything at all, then she still would be doing this for him.  
‘I Google’d her, but when I typed in her last name, Morgan, I only got...’, she paused, not sure whether this was a sensitive subject for him or not.   
‘What did you find, Fred?’, Wesley asked gently, indicating that it wasn’t and that she could tell him.   
‘There was just a lot of information about.. well... Lilah.’.  
‘What?’, Wesley took off his coat and walked around the counter to look at the computer over Fred’s shoulder, not realising how close they were all of a sudden.   
‘Lilah. You do..-‘. ‘- I do remember Lilah, Fred.’, he replied quite firmly, more than he intended to.   
‘Of course you do.’, Fred said softly.   
‘It’s all right, I’m sorry.’, Wesley continued on a much nicer tone. Apparently the subject was more painful to him than he would have thought.   
‘Do you think they have some sort of connection?’, Fred asked, somewhat curiously.  
‘Absolutely not. Lilah doesn’t have relatives.’, Wesley said, ignoring the nagging feeling inside that told him he may not be right about that one.   
Fred raised her eyebrows at his sudden, almost defensive reaction. ‘Okay.. No connection.’, she said, and turned around to get something from the desk, and, while doing so, she suddenly ‘did’ notice just how close they were.   
Just inches apart, Wesley noticed it too. Being close to Fred was nice, he figured. Not that he expected it not to be, but still, it was nice. Beyond nice ,actually. It felt as if the world had stopped turning and only the two of them were left. This was it, this was their moment...   
But it wouldn’t last long.. Just as Wesley leaned in to kiss her, Cordelia entered, interrupting the comfortable silence with her cheerful, present, voice. ‘Doughnuts!’, she exclaimed and put the bag on the table. Quicker than anything, Fred and Wesley parted. They weren’t sure whether Cordy had seen anything, but if she did, she was good at pretending she hadn’t. Neither wanted to take the risk, and so they just continued pretending to work.  
‘Hello-o? Doughnuts ? Breakfast? To prevent the great famine?’. Cordy walked over to the counter and handed Fred, who was as red as tomatoes, the bag.   
‘Thanks.’, Fred said, and took one, just to have something to do. She started to eat it, handed the bag back to Cordy who then passed it on to Wesley with a funny frown.   
‘Where’s everyone? Isn’t everyone supposed to be like, hungry, by now? ‘, Cordy then asked. She took a bagel herself, completely ignoring the obvious uncomfortable tension between her two friends. She wasn’t blind though, not at all. But right now, she figured it was probably for the best to pretend to be so, and let them solve this themselves.   
She could always get involved later. 

The following days Wesley and Fred avoided each other as much as possible, so the Gabrielle- investigation was at a stop. Sometimes Wesley wondered whether he should leave it like that, he didn’t expect her to be evil anyway. What he felt was probably just curiosity. Or a little more, because it wasn’t the kind of curiosity he felt when he was doing research for a client, this was much stronger. The question who she really was haunted him all day, and night too. Wesley was suddenly shook out of his pondering, which came very close to brooding, by a soft noise coming from the office next to his. He held still, listening whether the sound was real or had just been his imagination.   
He soon learned it was real, because the sound continued and didn’t stop. HE got up and listened at the door. It sounded like someone was crying. But who? Cordelia? She could’ve had a vision, but he thought she was out with Angel, on a quick patrol. Fred then, maybe? He hoped not, then he would have made her cry.   
He slowly opened the door.   
It wasn’t Cordelia.  
It wasn’t Fred either...  
‘Gabrielle?’. He walked over to the girl sitting on the floor. She was in the middle of all kinds of files and papers she’d been sorting out. Like this, she looked rather fragile, not as tough, and self-confidant as she usually appeared to be. Maybe that was just a role she played, maybe now she’d finally taken off her mask and showed the real her.   
When she heard her name she suddenly looked up, shocked that someone had caught her in one of her weak moments. She quickly wiped her eyes dry, although not succeeding in erasing the red cry-marks which stayed behind.  
‘I... I was just...’, she nervously searched for an explanation.   
Wesley gently kneeled by her. He wasn’t good in situations like this at all, but he tried to comfort her as good as possible.   
‘Shh, it’s all right.’, he said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder somewhat hesitant.   
Gabrielle shook her head, both ashamed of her crying and not able to stop it yet.   
‘Do you feel lonely?’, he suddenly asked her. He felt sorry for her, but was glad that she finally showed she actually had feelings, and therefore seemed to be a human being after all. That was a rather comforting thought to Wesley, at least she probably wasn’t a demon or anything other evil. She looked up at him, and by the look in her eyes it was obvious that he had hit a weak spot. She got up slowly and walked over to the window, staring outside.  
‘Sometimes...’, she eventually admitted.   
Wesley got up as well and stood next to her, eyeing their reflection through the glass. It was then he noticed it.  
His eyes.  
‘I feel lonely too, sometimes.’, he told her softly. He wanted her to know that she could trust him, that she could tell him what was wrong without being ashamed because of it. His confession of his own intimate feelings seemed to work. She turned to face him again.  
‘You do?’.  
He nodded slowly. ‘I do..’.  
‘Funny, you don’t look like the ‘lonely type’ at all to me. You have all these great friends, and a place to live..’.  
‘I do, indeed. But you know, Gabrielle, it’s not about having all these things. A rather sociable person may be surrounded by nice people all the time, and still be lonely. And do you know why?’, he asked her, speaking quite autobiographically right now.  
‘Why?’.  
‘Because, despite they surround him, they don’t know him. They think they do, but they don’t know the half of who he really is.’.   
It was true. All of Wesley’s friends assumed they knew him. They knew he used to be a watcher, a demon hunter. More than that they didn’t need to know.  
Didn’t ‘want’ to know.   
Neither searched for the actual reason why Wesley had fought all these demons. He couldn’t blame them for it, though. They had no idea. No idea that the actual reason why he he done it, why he fought, and was still fighting it, was the fact that during his childhood Wesley had had to deal with to him the greatest demon of all; his father.   
He was still dealing with him.   
In his subconscious, and in his dreams, Wesley fought the humiliations every single night. The physical ones had disappeared a long time ago, but the mental ones had remained and created deep scars into his soul that would probably never disappear completely. No one knew about his struggles with the past, no one. Not even Fred. Not because they didn’t care, but because he didn’t want them to care. When they cared, when they knew, Wesley would have surrendered. Then his father would have won, then he would have succeeded in doing what he had intended to do all the way: destroying Wesley. And that, would ‘never’ happen. Wesley wouldn’t allow it.   
Gabrielle had just listened to all the things he said. ‘Why don’t you tell them about who you really are then? Or don’t you want them to know? Is it something about your family, maybe?’. 

It was a good thing that young Wesley was already clever himself, because if he wasn’t he probably wouldn’t be able to handle the large amounts of work his father gave him every single day. He really did his best, the best he could, but it was never enough. Never good enough. No matter how hard he worked he was still considered to be lazy, or stupid. Wesley started to believe that he deserved all these hours in the dark broom closet after all. Sometimes he thought there were demons, or ghosts, in the wall, but other times when he was more sane he expected it to be nothing but his own subconscious fears growing in his taunted imagination. He’d stopped screaming.  
He’d stopped screaming a long time ago.   
No one ever heard him anyway.   
No one wanted to hear him.  
No one would.

When Wesley turned 11 years old he gained new hope. After the summer holiday, he would go to the Watcher’s Academy. That was a boarding school, so no more beatings from his father, finally. He would finally be free, free from his father’s accusing eyes.  
Ready to start his new, hopefully better, life, he walked through the white, large halls of his new school. His first school, actually. Before this, he had been taught at home. When he looked around, he was other children of his age with their parents. Mainly boys, some girls. Very few, though. Wesley didn’t mind his parents weren’t with him. He was better off without them. His father would only talk about how Wesley would fail here, and his mother would only care about socialising. Wesley was a loner. Always been, and always would be. After following some directions he climbed up the marble stairs and entered the room that was said to be the first-grade boys dormitory. He sat down on a bed that seemed comfortable to him. By the window, with a nice view. He was the only boy in the room, but he heard voices in the corridor. Three dominant-looking boys entered. By the look on the middle one’s face, he wasn’t very pleased.   
‘Hello.’, Wesley greeted him rather hesitant. They looked like the kind of boys a ‘loner’ would rather not get involved with.   
‘You’re sitting on ‘my’ bed, Pryce.’, the middle one said.   
Wesley remained where he was. ‘I don’t recall anyone having told me about the bed’s having already been chosen? And how do you know my name?’.  
‘Alexander Greene.’, the boy introduced himself. ‘Benjamin Sheffield, Oliver Jackson.’, he introduced the boys on his left and right as well. ‘I know everyone, everyone knows me.’, Alexander said.   
‘Well, I don’t remember having heard about you before.’, Wesley said, taking on a defensive attitude.   
‘Now what does that say about you, hmm?’, Alexander asked with a frown. ‘Anyway.’, he pointed at the bed Wesley had claimed his own. ‘My bed.’.  
Timidly, Wesley rose from his seat. ‘Right. I’ll just... have that one over there..’. He walked over to a bed in the corner and quietly started to unpack his few belongings. He was free of his father, indeed. But someone else would take over his job, apparently. 

Gabrielle let out a sigh when Wesley finished telling about his childhood. He looked up at her. ‘Is there something you would like to tell me now, Gabrielle?’.  
Finally, influenced by both the atmosphere, and Wesley’s story, she started to tell. No longer capable of keeping this secret to her self. Sometimes everybody just needs to unload.  
Even Gabrielle.   
‘I’ve never known my father. I believe it was when I was 4 years old that I came to realise that all other children were mostly in company of a woman ‘and’ a man. The woman was the mother, of course. But that man I didn’t know. Until a little friend of mine asked where my ‘father’ was...

‘Gaby, why don’t we ever see your daddy?’, Lisa asked. The two four year- olds were sat on the schoolyard, not on top of the bench, but next to it.   
‘My what?’. Little Gabrielle had never been confronted with a ‘daddy’, so then how should she know what it was? Of course, she’d heard the word on tv, and on the streets, but she’d never heard her mommy say it, so why would she care about what it was?  
‘Your dad. Your father. Where is he? Are your mommy and daddy divorced?’.   
Gabrielle wasn’t sure what ‘divorced’ meant either, but it sounded mean, and not fun at all, so she decided that wasn’t true.   
‘No! What’s a daddy?’, she asked, curiously. Lisa gasped. ‘You don’t know what a daddy is?! He’s the one who plays with you when mommy watches ‘Oprah’!’.   
Gaby frowned and tugged at the head of her Barbie-doll. ‘My mommy doesn’t watch ‘Oprah!’.  
‘Really? Then what does she do?’, Lisa asked.  
‘My mommy always works.’, Gaby said wit ha slight pout.   
‘Then who takes care of you?’.  
‘My nanny, Emily.’.  
‘Oh... My mommy says only stupid rich people have nannies.’, Lisa pointed out.  
‘That’s not true!’, Gaby yelled in defence. No one called her mommy stupid without paying for it!   
‘It is true!’.  
‘Is not!’.  
The two quarrelling girls were interrupted by the bell, and they immediately forgot about their argument. Gaby stood up, grabbed her beheaded Barbie-doll and ran over to Emily who was waiting for her outside the school gates.  
‘Hey there!’. Emily scooped the little girl up in her arms.  
‘Emmy, Emmy! Where’s my daddy and why won’t mommy watch ‘Oprah’ and and and what’s divorce?’, the little girl blurted out all her questions at once.   
The surprised nanny quickly searched for an answer. ‘Eh... divorce is when two married people end their relationship.’, she replied the last, probably easiest, question. ‘And your mommy doesn’t watch ‘Oprah’ because when it’s on tv she’s still at work?’. Emily didn’t really understand the value of this question, but Gaby asked more question no one understood, so she just tried to answer understandably hoping the first-asked question would be forgotten.   
It wasn’t.  
‘And what’s a daddy? Lisa says everybody has one.’.  
‘Why do you want to know?’. Emily didn’t want to say anything her boss, Miss Morgan, wouldn’t agree with. And the problem was, they never discussed this before, so she wasn’t sure just how much she was allowed to tell. She decided to keep it objective.  
‘A daddy is, someone who.. helped to create a baby.’, she said, carrying the little girl to the huge villa they lived in, just in the best neighbourhood of New York.’.  
‘Was I a baby?’.  
‘Yea, everyone was a baby once, even me.’, Emily explained with a smile.  
‘Wow...’, Gaby said. ‘So where’s my daddy?’.  
They entered the house.   
‘You’ll have to ask your mother about that, dear.’.  
‘Mommy!’, Gabrielle loosened herself from Emily’s embrace and ran over to her mother, who was unexpectedly home early from work today. She was greeted with a small smile.  
‘Hey.’.  
‘You’re early, miss Morgan.’, Emily said.  
‘Yes, I took the rest of the day off.’.  
‘Mommy, mommy, mommy where’s my daddy?’, the child exclaimed. Her mother raised an eyebrow.   
‘You don’t have one.’, she told her.  
‘But Lisa says everyone has one!’, Gaby pouted.  
‘Well, you don’t.’, Lilah said in a voice that made clear this was the end of the conversation. Gabrielle knew better than to go into a discussion with her mother, so , when Lisa asked her where her father was again the next day, she simply said: ‘My daddy’s dead.’, and ended the conversation about him for once and forever.  
Wesley looked down as he listened to Gabrielle’s story. It was all very clear to him now.   
Crystal clear.  
If he thought about it, he’d actually known who she was from the beginning, it all made perfect sense. How could he have thought she was... strange, or even, evil?   
Gaby looked up at him.  
‘You were dead to me.’.


	3. The Door to her Life

3\. The Door to her Life

After the sudden revelations, Gabrielle had run off. Everything had just suddenly been to much for her, she hadn’t been ready to tell him who she was yet, but keeping such a big secret was harder than she would have thought. And right now, she just felt the need to be alone. Not to think, but to ‘not’ to think. She felt as if it would kill her if she kept pondering about this any longer. Gaby entered her motel room and closed the door behind her.   
‘Finally rest..’, she thought to herself as she slipped her jacket off and dropped it on the floor, not bothering to pick it up. Tidying her room just wasn’t her main concern right now. She sat on her bed and took off her black high heels. Her feet were really killing her, but when she didn’t wear heels she just felt.. vulnerable. Like someone had bared her soul, and had showed that she wasn’t as bitchy and careless as she sometimes appeared to be. She was actually just a sensitive girl who wanted to have a father, was that really so weird? She stood up again and slipped out of her simple little black dress. It was cold in the room, Gabrielle considered taking a hot bath, but then decided that she wasn’t in the mood for t hat. And so, she put on her silk pyjamas and laid down on the bed. He probably didn’t want a kid anyway. Who would want a bitch like her as a daughter?’, she thought to herself while she fought against the tears coming up. She couldn’t stop them, and salty tears ran down her cheeks. She was just unable to think positive right now. Gaby tried to cry herself to sleep, but was disturbed by the ringing of her cell phone. She first let it ring, but it eventually drove her crazy, so she picked it up, too tired to check who it was. Later on she wished she had checked, than she probably wouldn’t have picked up in the first place.   
‘Hello?’.  
‘Gabrielle, hey..’.  
Gaby froze at the sound of her mother’s voice. Lilah didn’t know better than her daughter was on holiday to Florida with a friend, because, if Gaby would have told her she would go and search for her father, she expected Lilah not to be as thrilled about it...   
‘Mom.. Why are you calling me?’. Gaby wiped off the tears, as if Lilah would be able to see them back in New York .  
‘I just wanted to see how you were. Is everything all right there, are you having fun?’.  
‘Everything’s fine, mom. Lots of sun here, nice shopping too.’, Gabrielle replied. She nervously played with a stray of her dark brown hair, twisting it around her index finger until it hurt her and she let go.   
‘Good. So, there’s nothing you want to.. tell me?’, Lilah inquired.   
‘No, should there be something? ‘.   
‘I’m just checking. You never know.. Anyway, I have to go now. Important staff-meeting in five minutes.’, Lilah said, not unaware of the tension between them. She loved her daughter, that was for sure, but sometimes she just didn’t know what to do with her. Probably because she’d never been the mothering type. But she was doing her best. The results so far were that Gaby was still living with her, they hadn’t killed each other yet, and so far when Gaby yelled that she hated her, it didn’t sound completely convincing. Not bad, for a lawyer who never had intended to have children.   
‘Still working late mom?’.  
‘Always, you know me.’, Lilah replied with a grin, and hung up the phone.  
Gabrielle let out a sigh and laid back down on her bed, struggling against the tears, but losing the battle again. ‘Big girls don’t cry’, her mother had always told her. Tears are a weakness, but hey, maybe she wanted to be weak right now. Maybe she didn’t care. Maybe she stopped caring at all. Why would she, anyway? There was no one who cared about her, too. With the thought of being completely alone, she finally cried herself to sleep. 

Wesley didn’t feel much better than Gabrielle. He had a daughter, but he hadn’t even seen her grow up. Not that he could imagine himself and Lilah as a happy family together, but he would have wanted to know. Maybe they could’ve shared custody or something. Wit ha sigh Wesley looked back on his life, and the rest of his friends’ life. They’d all screwed up pretty bad for the past 17 years. Fred and Gunn were together, that was probably the best thing. Cordelia and Angel had been in love, obviously, but neither of them ever admitted it to the other. They’d both, yes, even Angel, had certain dates, but they never worked out. Not really. It was obvious that they belonged together, but then why couldn’t they just tell each other how they felt? Angel was probably afraid to find perfect love again, and to lose control. And Cordy... Maybe she’d been hurt too much, or maybe she’d given up hope, just like Wesley. No one could probably explain why they’d all screwed up and never sought happiness. They’d all been blind, putting up walls around themselves. But it wasn’t too late yet, Wesley realised. It was time to break down these walls and make something of their lives. Gabrielle was no longer a child, he’d missed out on that part, but there was a lot more about her! She was a very interesting, beautiful young woman. He should be proud to be her father. Maybe she’s give him a chance to make up for the time he’d missed out. But what if she didn’t? What if he would still be, and remain, dead to her?   
‘Hey Wesley. Are you still here?’.   
Wesley turned around and watched Cordelia enter his office.   
‘Yes... I..’, he wasn’t sure what to say. Should he tell her? Or should he tell her something else, and if so, what? So many questions, so much chaos in his head.. It really exhausted him, but Wesley knew the chaos hadn’t come to and end yet. It only just started...  
‘Hey, you’re upset!’, Cordy walked in further and sat down on his desk. ‘What’s wrong? Is it Fred? I knew it! I should have talked to you before, you should have come to me, why didn’t you?!’, she babbled on the speed of a whirlwind.   
‘Cordelia.. It’s not Fred.’, Wesley told her.  
‘Oh. Then what is it?’.  
‘It’s Gabrielle.’.  
‘So you DO have a crush on her! ‘, Cordelia exclaimed.   
‘No, no, that’s not it. She’s..’, Wesley was searching for the right words, but there probably just weren’t right words for this.   
‘She’s my daughter.’, he eventually said. It sounded distant, as if he was talking about somebody else, like a book character. He just couldn’t understand yet what was happening to him.   
‘What?’. Cordy suddenly turned very serious. ‘Your.. daughter? How? When?? How?!’.  
’17 years ago. I think you know how.’, Wesley replied.  
‘Don’t start being funny now, Wesley! This is serious!’.  
‘I know, Cordelia. It’s just so unreal. ‘  
Cordy nodded. ‘So who’s ... who’s her mother? Is it...?’.   
Wesley nodded. ‘Lilah, yes.’, he confirmed her suspicions.   
‘Of course it’s Lilah.’, she said then. ‘We should’ve known this from the beginning onwards.’.   
‘Maybe we did, but maybe we just didn’t want to know. We can be quite ignoring on certain occasions.’, Wesley remarked.   
‘I guess so.. But what are you going to do now?’. Cordy was shocked, if not astonished, to learn her best friend had a daughter, but she also knew Wesley was probably right about them not ‘wanting’ to know.   
‘I honestly don’t know. She ran off after she told me, and I don’t want to force her into anything. It may scare her off.’.   
Cordy nodded. ‘We wouldn’t want that. So.. you have a daughter.. Should I congratulate you, or should I say.. something else? ‘.  
‘I don’t know. I don’t even know what her situation is like. Perhaps Lilah doesn’t agree to this. That’s most likely, considering that fact she didn’t bother to tell me she was pregnant either.’.  
‘Well, screw Lilah! O, wait, you already did which has caused the conversation we’re having now, but you know what?! Gabrielle cam to find you, that means something at least! Apparently she wants to get to know you! She’s old enough to decide that for herself, so just enjoy it! Lilah kept you away from her long enough.’.   
‘Maybe you’re right. But then why did she run off afterwards?’, Wesley pondered aloud.   
‘She was probably shocked, that it was suddenly so real. Up till now she could only dream of having a father, and now she suddenly has one, and he was standing in front of her! That’s quite some thing, Wes. ‘, Cordy explained.   
Wesley nodded, she was right. Everything had suddenly went so fast. ‘It is some thing, indeed. For me too. I’m not sure what to do next.’.  
‘No, it’s not like this is an everyday- happening. Even for us, this is weird.’, she said with a smile. The whole situation was unusual for her, too. It was really astonishing. Wesley, a father? She couldn’t really imagine it, but it was true anyway. She didn’t doubt he could do it, though. Everyone just needed to.. Understand, and get grip on what was going on. But that was the whole point.   
‘I think you should go to her.. Talk things over, maybe. ‘, she suggested. ‘Do you know where she’s staying?’.   
‘Yes, I think she’s mentioned the motel once. I know where it is. But don’t you think I should leave her be until she’s calmed down?’.   
‘No! No leaving-be! You need to do this now, before you both get all avoid-y. Like me and Angel, and you and Fred..’.  
‘How do you know about...’.  
‘I may be purposely ignorant and avoid-y, I’m not blind, you know. It’s obvious. And last time when I saw you two, when you were almost, you know..’, Cordy didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t need to.  
‘I know. I suspected you’d seen us already, but we didn’t want to talk to you about it. In case you hadn’t... ‘.  
‘I understand, and I won’t tell Gunn or something, but I do feel sorry for him. It’s not fair, he loves Fred, but she doesn’t love him back. Not in that way, anyway. Sooner or later she’s going to have to make a choice, and you know it! ‘, Cordelia said, suddenly realising they were trailing off the main subject. Wesley knew that, again, she was right, he and Fred couldn’t continue this way forever, but that was something of later concern.   
‘Can we talk about this later, Cordelia? I believe Fred isn’t my main concern at the moment.’.  
‘Of course.. You’re absolutely right. So go to her! ‘.  
‘ Are you sure? I..’, he was still hesitating.  
‘I’m sure, now go, before it’s too late!’. 

As Wesley walked up the stairs of Gabrielle’s motel 15 minutes later, he felt his heart beating fast. He’d probably never felt this nervous before. Only the time when he first got to practise his Watcher-job came pretty close to this. The man in the lobby had told him in which room Gaby was, which proved there wasn’t a lot of concern about the guests in the motel. If he would’ve been a serial killer they would’ve made things very easy for him. He reached her room, number 28, and knocked soft yet firmly, waiting for her to open the door. Not only the door to her room, but also the door to her life.  
Would she let him in?

Gaby was fast asleep as Wesley knocked on the door. She vaguely noticed the sound, but her subconscious told her it was only happening in her dream. There usually wasn’t someone at her door, specially not this late at night, so it was more likely to be a dream anyway.   
‘Gabrielle?’, the voice in her dream said. The dream was actually rather disturbing her sleep. As she opened one eye , to stop the unwelcome noise, it still continued. It wasn’t a dream after all. With a sigh, she got up and reached for her bathrobe. She couldn’t find it, so just stuck to her pyjamas.  
‘Wesley...’, as she first saw him standing there, her still half-asleep state of mind had to think before she understood why he would come here this late. Then she suddenly woke up, and remembered. Of course!   
‘I’m sorry to disturb you this late, but I believe this is a somewhat strange evening for the both of us. If you don’t mind, I’d like to come in and talk to you.’, Wesley said.   
Gabrielle didn’t say anything in return, but she stepped aside to let him enter.   
Wesley closed to door behind him, and glanced through the room. Not exactly what he would have expected for Lilah’s daughter. It was a rather small room, the bed took in most of the space. At the side he noticed a door that he presumed would lead him to the bathroom. When Gabrielle took place on the bed, Wesley decided to go and sit on the only chair he found, by the window. He wondered why she was staying in such a small, cheap hotel. Wasn’t Lilah as rich anymore? Or had she no idea her daughter was here? That was what he had thought before, too. It started to make more and more sense.   
‘What do you want to talk about?’, Gaby asked.   
‘It seems quite obvious to me.’, Wesley replied carefully. He knew how sensitive teenage girls could be.   
‘There is nothing we need to talk about.’, Gabrielle said stubbornly. ‘You’re my father, I’m your daughter. It’s too late now, I’m grown-up already, all right?! I don’t need you!’, she said, trying to convince herself this was true. She didn’t want to be dependant!   
‘If you are so grown-up, then let’s talk about this like adults. It doesn’t have to be too late. Of course, I missed your childhood, but there’s so much left. You’re a beautiful, intelligent young woman. And I don’t expect you to treat me like a father right away, nor do I want you to call me that.’, he paused. ‘Unless of course you want to. What I’m trying to say is.. Perhaps we could imply start of with being friends...’.   
Gabrielle watched him for a moment. Maybe he was right. She did want something, why else would she be here? Not like she enjoyed the filing so much...  
‘Friends would work.’, she agreed eventually with a short nod.


	4. A Little Less Heartbreak

4\. A Little Less Heartbreak

It weren’t just Wesley and Gabrielle who were struggling with their newfound connections. Cordy, Angel, Gunn, and mainly Fred were also struggling with the fact their friend suddenly had a daughter. Of course, Fred was still with Gunn, but in her heart, she was with Wesley. She knew sooner or later she was going to have to make a choice. But how does a person make a choice like that? She still loved Charles too, after all, and she didn’t want to hurt him either. No, this was not something she could decide herself, and so she turned to the person who knew, or at least seemed to know, everything about love.  
Cordelia.  
‘I have this... problem.’, Fred started insecurely.   
‘I know.’, Cordy immediately said, she’d been expecting this conversation already.  
‘You, know?’. Fred sat down. ‘How much do you know?’.  
‘I know you have doubts about your relationship with Gunn, and I know about your feelings for Wesley.’.  
‘Oh...’, was all that Fred had to say then.   
‘And you want to hear my point of view. Well, here’s my point of view; Wesley’s a bit, say, very busy with himself and Gabrielle right now. Things are already so complicated, by throwing yourself into a complicated relationship which will probably hurt a lot of people just doesn’t seem the right thing to do. Especially not now.’.  
‘Maybe you’re right. You make everything seem so simple.’, Fred said, fiddling with the necklace she was wearing. She wished she would look more like Cordelia, sometimes she felt as if she was still a child in compare to her.   
‘It is pretty simple, actually. Are you happy, Fred?’, Cordy then asked.  
‘Well... I guess, I’m.. I’m not ‘unhappy’ I mean, Charles.. He’s sweet, and he brings me pancakes and taco’s , and he loves me.’, Fred replied with a small smile.   
‘Then stay that way! Why throw everything upside-down if you are happy already?! Love can grow, you know.’, Cordy said gently. ‘And besides, you’ve been with Gunn for so long now.’. Cordy didn’t want to force Fred into anything, but she ‘was’ her friend. As well as Gunn and Wesley’s friend. Fred had asked for her opinion, and so she got her opinion. Making the final decision in the end was up to Fred alone, though. She wouldn’t be able to help her with that.  
‘It’s just a strange situation for all of us, really. Maybe you are right, Cordelia. I should probably sleep over it.’. Fred agreed with Cordy in some way, obviously, but she understandably couldn’t make a choice right then and there.   
As said, she slept over it a couple of nights, and eventually found the courage to go and talk to Wesley about it.   
‘Wesley? I think you and I should talk.’, she told him on a rainy Monday morning as they were researching a demon from Cordelia’s vision together.   
‘Of course.’, he said, looking up rather surprised.   
Fred walked closer and took a seat at the table, next to him. ‘I wanted to talk about, you know, us...’, she started nervously.   
Wesley nodded, giving her time to say what she had to say. By the look on her face, though, he could already tell what she had to say.   
‘I’ve been thinking about it for a pretty long time. Also about me and Charles.’, she continued slightly hesitant. ‘And you know... We’ve been together for so long. I love him, he loves me. But then there was you. Stuff happened between us lately. I just...’, she struggled to find the words.   
‘Fred. It’s all right. You don’t have to say anything, I understand.’, Wesley said with pain in his heart. He did understood. He wished he didn’t, though. If he wouldn’t understand her so well he might loves her less, and so feel less pain.. His heart would break a little less. Just a little...  
‘I’m sorry , Wesley.’, she said, tears welling up in her eyes. ‘We can be friends, right?’. Wesley’s heart wasn’t the only one breaking, but Fred knew it was the right thing to do. Deep inside, it felt right.   
Wesley took her hands in his, struggling against his own tears.   
‘You and I will always have something very, very special, Fred. And if the only way we can have that is through friendship then so be it. It’s enough, Fred.’, Wesley said softly. He then wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into an embrace. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be. Friendship was all they had now, and would probably ever have. It was something.. Maybe it would help. It would help their hearts, to break a little less.

‘Still being broody about this, are you?’, Cordelia asked, entering Angel’s office.   
‘Always.’, he said with something close to a smile.   
‘So Wesley told you too.’, Cordy said, sitting down at the opposite side of the desk.  
‘Yea, he told me too.’. Angel wasn’t exactly in a talkative mood.   
Not like he ever was.  
‘And? What do you think?’.  
‘I’m not sure. I think it’s good for Wesley. He now has a chance to really mean something for someone. ‘.  
‘He means something to us! ‘, Cordelia said.  
‘Of course he means something to us, but I mean in a family-way. Wesley doesn’t exactly have good experiences with his own father, so I’m just saying he can change things now. He can make a difference, and that’s a good chance.’, Angel explained, referring to the bad relationship Wesley had with his father.   
Cordy nodded timidly. She didn’t know much about Wesley’s father and the bond he had with his son, but she did know it wasn’t good. She had to admit she hadn’t thought of that yet. Silly, actually, considering the situation.   
They both sat in silence for a few minutes.  
‘So, can you imagine Lilah having a baby?’, Cordy then asked, unable to join Angel in his attempt to brood some more.   
‘No.’, he replied, swallowing at the mental images that evoked.   
‘Poor Gaby. I cant’ really think of Lilah as a good mother.’, Cordelia said, picking up a pencil and twirling it around with her fingers.   
‘I don’t know. Lilah has talents. Apart from her using those for Wolfram & Hart there’s nothing wrong with her. ‘.  
‘I thought you hated her?’, Cordy questioned, rather confused now.   
‘I don’t like her. She’s done some pretty bad stuff, but she has a soul I think in the end, when it comes down to it she’ll do what’s right. That includes taking care of her baby.’, Angel said, once against seeing the ‘right’ thing in humanity.   
‘Yea, well, I still don’t picture her baking cookies for a toddler birthday part.’, Cordy said with a laugh. Surprisingly, Angel almost laughed with her.   
‘Now that’s the other end of it.’.  
Cordelia smiled, and suddenly her mind wandered off to the conversation with Wesley she had had a few days ago. ‘You know, Angel... We really wasted some time here.’, she said then, finding it time to actually make a difference.   
‘It’s like our life stood still for so long.’, she complained.   
Angel stared at her, confused by this sudden change of subject. He was never good at conversations like this and usually let Cordelia handle it. But now that was kind of difficult considering he was actually having the conversation ‘with’ Cordelia.   
‘I don’t think our lives stood still... We did many good things, helped a lot of people.’, he said somewhat uncomfortably.   
Cordy stood up and walked over to the bookshelf, running her fingers over some old-looking books, just to have something to do, because Angel really wasn’t the only one nervous and uncomfortable here.   
‘That’s not what I meant. I’m talking about our private lives.’.  
‘Saving people ‘is’ our private life, Cordelia. ‘, he said with his oh-so familiar frown.   
‘For you, maybe! ‘You’ have eternal life, ‘you’ can do everything you want and put important things up till later, but I don’t ‘have’ eternity! I want stuff!’, Cordy exclaimed, angry about his confused reaction. She should have known a conversation like this with Angel was ‘not’ a good idea.   
‘... What kind of stuff?’.  
‘Just... stuff! Okay, so I’m vision girl and helper of ‘’ the Dark Avenger’’, but does that mean I don’t want a relationship? Or children??’. That was out before she knew it. She wasn’t sure why she actually said the last part, though. Recently she had been thinking of having children, probably because Wesley suddenly had one now. Why hadn’t she thought of children before? She wasn’t going to stay young forever, surely.   
Unlike Angel.  
‘You want children?’, Angel asked her, even more confused. Obviously, he hadn’t thought of this thing either. Having a normal, happy relationship seemed impossible to him, let alone have children. Not that he didn’t want to have a family but it was more like he’d accepted his faith. Up to now his relationships hadn’t exactly ended well, and he didn’t want to put anyone, like Cordelia, in danger.  
Especially not Cordelia.   
‘Well, eventually I do , yes.’, she said. ‘Is that so strange to you?!’, she then asked, slightly angry. She should have never brought up the subject, but then they would just keep living with those walls around them!   
‘No, no.. Nothing strange about wanting stuff.’, Angel quickly said, trying to prevent Cordy from getting really upset.  
‘Don’t ‘you’ want stuff?’, she asked him suddenly.  
‘I do, but you know I can’t, Cordy. I can’t be in love.’.  
‘Non sense! Of course you can be in love! You can’t ‘make love’ but that’s a completely different thing. A relationship isn’t all about sex, you know!’, she exclaimed irritated, seriously cursing his curse right now. Without that they wouldn’t even have had this conversation. Why did Angel always have to be so broody?! It got on her nerves sometimes.  
‘I know it isn’t the most important thing, but it’s not unimportant either. How would you feel if we had a relationship, but we weren’t allowed to sleep together??’, Angel asked her.  
Cordy turned around from him, her angry voice suddenly soft and caring.  
‘I’d understand.’.  
Angel looked up from his desk and realised for the first time that this conversation was about them instead of just an average discussion. This was about them... Or the ‘them’ there was supposed to be. He stood up and walked over to her, realising she was actually crying.  
‘Hey... It’s okay..’. He wanted to comfort her, but was afraid he’d upset her even more. He lifted a hand, quickly dealing with the following dilemma: Would he put it on her shoulder, her arm, or her back? Or shouldn’t he touch her at all?   
As he heard her sob, her forgot all about it and put a hesitant hand on her shoulder.  
‘I want a future, you know! Can’t I just have enough of this.. this mission for once? Don’t I have a right to complain and be jealous of old friends who are all having families of their own by now??’, she cried.  
‘You have all the right to complain. It’s not easy, our lives. But you’re doing well, you know. ‘, Angel said in a serious tone now. ‘All those friends, they should be jealous of you instead. You help so many people. You make a difference, Cordy.’.  
She suddenly turned around, still some tears in her eyes. ‘Really?’.  
Angel gently wiped some of the tears away and placed his first hesitant, now steady, hand on her cheek. ‘Really.’, he confirmed, and brought his face even closer to hers. It took just seconds, but seemed eternity, until their lips finally touched. A passionate kiss followed, their long-hidden desire finally coming out. After a marvellous, too short lasting eternity they parted again.   
‘I love you, Cordelia.’, he finally told her, still feeling the warmth of her body against his own.  
Cordy smiled, her former tears long forgotten.   
‘And I love you, along with your curse and never-ending frown.’.  
Angel sighed in relief, glad the old Cordelia was back again. He couldn’t stand seeing her sad.  
‘But you know, if we would have just said this from the beginning on we would have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.’, Cordy said with a soft laugh.  
‘Yea..’, Angel agreed with her, smiling now. It was indeed a rare thing for him to do, but this was also a rare situation. A pleasant, rare situation, though. Cordelia took his hands and kissed him again. They had finally broke down those walls, and made a difference.

Wesley tried to get on with his life, but it was hard with Fred on his mind 24/7. Even though technically they had never been together, it felt as if he’d lost her. He knew Fred was right. If they’d gotten together it would have stirred up a lot of trouble in the gang. It was better like this, but still, it hurt.   
Right now, he was with Gabrielle at her motel, so Fred was out of his mind for a while. Gabrielle was more important at the moment.  
His daughter...  
Gaby sat down on the floor. Wesley thought she looked different... younger, in a regular jeans and a T-shirt with her long brown hair hanging loosely down her back.   
‘I’m sorry about the mess.’, she said, picking up some empty pizza boxes and shoving them under the bed to make some room for Wesley.   
‘That’s all right. I’m not exactly fond of cleaning either.’, he said, sitting down on the floor by her.   
‘I guess it runs in the family, then.’, she replied with a smile.  
‘It might. Gabrielle, don’t you think there are things we need to take care of, or at least talk about?’, Wesley suggested ,referring to Gaby living in this Spartan motel, and, of course, Lilah. They had to talk about it some time, after all.  
‘Mom.’, Gabrielle nodded with a sigh.  
‘Do you mind talking about her?’, Wesley inquired, curious to hear more about his daughter’s childhood now. He wanted to know everything about her, he wanted to ‘know’ her.  
‘I don’t really mind. She’s not my favourite subject to talk about.’.  
‘Did she... did she treat you well?’, Wesley asked, thinking of his own unhappy youth. There had never been someone who asked him how he was , or if he was happy. He wanted Gabrielle to do have someone like that, and he wanted to be that someone for her, no matter what role Lilah played in his daughter’s life.   
‘Yes, very well. All I had to do was ask and she brought me everything. I lived like a princess, and as a little girl I was happy... Until I realised my friends were raised by their parents instead of a nanny..’, Gaby said with a bitter undertone in her voice.  
‘So you’re mother is still a workaholic. Some things don’t ever change, I suppose. Where does she work now? You said you two live in New York?’.  
‘Yea, we do. She still works at Wolfram & Hart there. Always did, always will, probably.’.  
Wesley nodded. ‘I know her like that, too... Gaby, I know she let someone else practically raise you, but she was there, right? When you really needed her?’, he asked, horrified at the thought that little Gaby had been all alone, just like him when he was younger.  
‘She loved me, if that’s what you mean. In her own way she loved me. I suppose I just wish she would have showed it more..’, Gabrielle said, thinking of all the times she had needed a hug but had gotten a 100 dollars.   
‘Sometimes, when I was sleeping over at my friend Lisa’s house ,her mother would come to give us a goodnight kiss. I remember wondering why my mommy never did that. I thought I was bad... I thought lots of things, actually. I was just looking for an explanation for the fact my mom wasn’t like others.’, she continued, offering her father a slice of cold pizza. H e shook his head, turning to offer down.  
‘I’m sorry to hear that. I suppose Lilah has never learnt how to love. Or how to show it.’, Wesley suggested, wishing he could have been there for Gaby. He would have brought her that goodnight kiss.   
‘I think you’re right. I once broke my arm, when I was about seven and had fallen out of a tree. I wasn’t supposed to, but I actually saw her crying then. ‘, Gaby said, thinking of that day which she would probably always remember. ‘That’s when I realised she did care about me. It’s good to know that.’, she added, picking up a slice of the left-over pizza herself, considering it as her lunch.   
Wesley watched her, suddenly getting an idea.   
‘Are you sure you’re taking good care of yourself like this here? You surely can’t live of cold pizza.’, he said rather worried.  
‘Not just pizza. I ordered Chinese in two days ago.’, she did an attempt to turn the serious conversation into somewhat of a joke. Wesley realised very well it wasn’t a joke, though, and ignored her last remark.   
‘How would you like to stay at the Hyperion Hotel with us? I mean ‘staying’ there. You can have any room you like, and it’ll be much more comfortable and larger than it is here.’, he offered. He would have preferred to invite her over to stay at his apartment with him, but since they’d recently agreed on starting slow this seemed a better offer. Wesley was sure Angel wouldn’t mind. He had also responded quite positive after hearing the news.  
Gaby seemed a bit reluctant at first, though. She didn’t want to bother anyone, but on the other hand, it surely was a lot better than this threshold.   
‘I don’t know, Wesley.’.  
‘What’s stopping you? It’ll be safe, cheap, and you’ll get real food.’, he assured her with a smile, trying to convince her. He was worried about her staying here all alone. She was just a girl, after all, and there was absolutely no protection for her here. They would let anyone in.   
With a smile, Gabrielle finally nodded. ‘Ok. Let me just pack some stuff.’.  
She got up and took her suitcase from under the bed. She hadn’t actually unpack it because of the lack of space. She just took from it what she needed. Quickly, she packed some things that were in the bathroom, took her coat, and closed the suitcase. ‘Ready.’, she announced.  
‘Shall I carry that for you?’, Wesley offered.   
Gabrielle, used to letting someone else do those things for her, gladly agreed and handed him her baggage. In silence they left the empty motel room and went to the reception desk to check out. After doing so, they walked out, not bothering to take a last glance at the place Gaby had called home for the past few weeks.   
It was only a few minutes from the motel to the Hyperion, so Wesley had decided to come by foot. He could always think clearly as he was making a walk.   
Not a lot was said during the walk, they both listened to the regular noise made by Gabrielle’s high heels. They entered the hotel and Wesley put the suitcase on the floor. He wondered how much clothes there had to be in there, for something of that weight. He didn’t really want to know the answer, though. That was more Cordelia’s thing.   
‘She doesn’t know you’re here, does she?’, he then asked, taking place at the table with his daughter.   
‘Yes she does.’, a voice sounded from the entrance behind them.   
Both Wesley and Gabrielle turned around immediately, their eyes widening in surprise.   
‘Lilah’.


	5. 1000 Reasons or More

5\. 1000 Reasons or More

‘What are you doing here?!’, Gabrielle exclaimed, not only shocked to find her mother here, also kind of afraid for what would follow because now Lilah knew she had been lying. And not exactly about a little thing.   
‘I could ask you the exact same thing.’, Lilah returned the question. She still looked stunning after all those years, and Wesley wasn’t blind to that, of course. She was one of the women on who ageing seemed to have none or very little effect.   
The comparison between Lilah and Gabrielle was obvious as well. They had the same hair colour, the same figure, and the same face, although Gabrielle’s expression was different from her mother’s.   
Gaby stood up and crossed her arms. ‘I’m pretty sure you already know the reason why I’m here. Else you wouldn’t be in LA, now would you mom?’.  
Wesley interrupted the conversation that was turning into a fight by mixing himself into it. He got up and stood by Gabrielle’s side. ‘Hello Lilah.’.  
She turned to him, facing him for the first time. ‘Wesley.’. She looked him up and down.  
‘I heard from my sources you were here, Gabrielle.’, she turned the attention back to her daughter. ‘I have to say I wasn’t surprised.’  
‘I have the right to know who my father is.’, Gabrielle defended herself.   
‘I never said you didn’t. So, Wes, you know the ‘big secret’ now. Never thought this would happen, did you?’. Lilah took off her coat and put it over a chair.   
‘You never gave me a reason to expect this, Lilah.’, Wesley said. He wasn’t going to pretend he was happy to see her. She had kept him away from his only child, the one thing that could have made him happy.   
‘I’m not going back to New York with you!’, Gabrielle said, interrupting the two ex-lovers.   
Lilah raised an eyebrow. ‘I know...’.  
‘You know?? Is that why you never told me, because you knew you would lose me?!’, the teenage girl exclaimed, getting upset.   
‘Maybe. But you know, I’m not going back to New York either. Not for a while, anyway. I have business to do here.’.   
‘Of course, business. That’s all you ever do don’t you?! Strange I even thought you were afraid to lose me, but you’re not afraid at all! You know what ‘mother’? You already lost me a long time ago. ‘. And with that, Gabrielle ran upstairs, into the room that would now belong to her, and slammed the door shut loudly.   
Lilah watched Wesley for a while. ‘Well?’, she eventually asked.   
‘Well, what, Lilah? What exactly do you expect me to do, or say?’.   
She shrugged slightly. ‘It’s not like ’I’ do this every day. I don’t know what to do either. I do, however, know you hate me. You have thousands of reasons for it too, or more.’.   
‘I never said I hated you.’.  
Wesley confused her. This wasn’t the conversation they’ve had in her mind so often the past seventeen years.   
‘Don’t you?’.  
‘I never said I didn’t hate you either. There’s such a thing as grey, Lilah.’, he told her as he thought back to the speech she once gave him about black and white.   
‘Oh, I get it. I bet she told you the worst, horrific stories about me as a mother, but the ‘hero’, the ‘ do-gooder’ inside of you is looking for a reason. That’s it, isn’t it? You’re looking for a reason, looking for evidence to prove that I’m not as soulless as I appear to be, but you know what, Wes? Maybe I am just evil.’

17 years earlier, 2003  
Lilah stared at the newborn baby in her arms. The nurse had told her this was her daughter, and so she waited for that mother love everyone had told her about to arrive. Not that Lilah had many friends with children, though. Actually she didn’t have many friends at all, but that was a part of having a full-time job at Wolfram & Hart. She dealt with the consequences.  
Lilah now had a good job with Wolfram and Hart in New York. It didn’t differ a lot from the one in Los Angeles. She had accepted her new life, just like she had accepted everything else in her life. That was probably also the reason why Lilah had kept this baby. She could have easily had an abortion. That would have simpled things up so much. But something inside of her had stopped her from doing so. She didn’t know what it was.. Maybe the memory of Wesley told her not to do it. Whatever it was, she’d accepted that too. And so, like every other mom-to-be she had gone baby shopping and prepared herself for the delivery to come. She read things about it on the internet, watched documentaries on tv, and read books. What she learned wasn’t exactly fun, but it was better than spending eternity in hell.   
Oh how she was wrong about that, though.   
The delivery itself took almost 48 hours, and where every other woman had a nervous husband, or at least a friend or relative by her side all Lilah had was a hyper gynaecologist and some overworked nurses. The pains during and after the contractions were a ‘lot’ worse than hell. And if it wasn’t then Lilah would seriously consider going to church again.   
Of course Lilah knew she was pretty lonely. That again, was something she could only accept. After the definition of hell was over, she had a chance to look around without getting dizzy from the pain. All other women seemed really disgustingly happy. They couldn’t stop cooing over how cute and perfect their son/daughter was and how good a help their husband. Lilah knew better. She had enough people skills to know that in a few weeks time their cute little baby would turn into a screaming brat and their husband would have an affair with his secretary. That would piss the no-longer happy mommy off and soon a divorce would follow. The o-so sensitive child would turn into an even worse brat and eventually end up in either jail or as a junkie.   
All the father’s fault.   
Things like that wouldn’t happen to this baby. Lilah had never met her own father, and she didn’t feel the need to, either. Men are jerks, she had learned that the hard way when she was still very young. Her father who never felt the need to get to know her was a jerk, her uncles who had never done a damn thing to help her mother were jerks, and her mother’s boyfriend was a jerk. Probably the worst of all. He seemed to love dominating people. And so did Lilah, which was why they didn’t exactly match. She didn’t let him say the things he said to her mother and older sister Tamika to her. She stood up. Even if that meant she got beaten up the most. She was only a child back then, couldn’t really fight back yet. Another thing she could only accept.   
As Lilah looked at the baby girl in her arms, all those hidden memories came up again.

20 years earlier, 1985

‘Tammy you can’t let him talk to you like that! You’re almost 18 years old, you have all the right to date that guy!’. The two sisters were sat in Tamika’s room, discussing the boyfriend their stepfather didn’t approve of.   
‘No! I’m not like you, all right?! I don’t want to risk him beating me up again, Lilah.’  
‘But he’ll beat us up anyway. There’s such a thing as self-respect, you know. Don’t you want to show him you’re not as weak as he assumes?’, Lilah asked, angry her sister couldn’t be more like her.   
‘No. No, I don’t, Li. I’m not as strong as you are. I’m too weak to stand up. Maybe if you weren’t so selfish and blinded by all your dreams and impossible ambitions you’d see that not everyone is born to be like you. I’ll tell you what,’, Tamika continued before her little sister had a chance to interrupt. ‘Next month I’ll be 18. Then me and Tom are going to run away, and get married.’  
Lilah stared at her for a moment. Her sister, the only friend she had in this world was going to leave her alone with two alcoholics? Two ‘aggressive’ alcoholics? That wasn’t fair! She felt like she was choking when she thought of being all alone in the world, without an older sister who, so far, had done the best she could to protect her. Even though Lilah was a pretty tough girl and hardly let her emotions control her, this was really a moment by which the tears welled up in her eyes.  
‘You’re.. leaving?’.  
‘I am, and no one’s going to stop me. Not mom, not Adam, and not you.’, Tamika said.   
‘But you can’t just leave me here! He’ll kill me! He’s come close enough to it before, and you know it!’, Lilah pleaded.  
‘Look, you and all your dreams, and ambitions, you’re going to get out of here by yourself one day, but not me. I need this opportunity, Lily. Don’t make this any harder than it is already, ok?’.  
Lilah nodded timidly. ‘All right.’   
A month passed by and on the night before she knew Tamika would leave Lilah did something stupid. It was a decision probably made in her choking panic. She would regret it for the rest of her life, but back then it seemed like the right thing to do.   
Lilah told Adam about her sister’s plans...  
If she’d known at that moment how bad this would end she would have kept her mouth shut, but unfortunately what’s done cannot be undone.   
She stood in the doorway as he beat Tamika up, down in the basement so there wouldn’t be any blood spilled on the carpet.   
Lilah felt powerless. She wanted to do something as he hit her sister’s head into an iron pole repeatedly, but it was like she was paralysed . She wanted to intervene, or run away, but something stopped her. Her conscience, perhaps. Maybe it wanted this image to torture her for the rest of her life.  
It would.  
It was worse than usual this time. Adam had, apparently, had more than a few drinks. He didn’t stop as he noticed Tamika had stopped moving, and he still didn’t stop as he had gone to kicking her in the stomach instead and she no longer opened her eyes as the next kick hit her. It just seemed to go on forever... When finally, after at least an hour, he took Tammy’s still body upstairs, Lilah was left to clean up the blood. She kneeled down and let the large pool of blood mix with her tears.   
‘I’m sorry...’, she whispered as if Tamika was lying there herself. ‘I’m sorry...’. 

After the funeral several days later Lilah stayed behind at the grave for a moment. She stared at the grave stone and the epitaph on it.

Tamika Elizabeth Morgan  
1967- 1985   
Beloved daughter and sister  
Gone, but not forgotten

Lilah tried to cry. She hadn’t let a single tear slip from her eye before or during the funeral, so now she had finally a moment for herself.  
But the tears didn’t come...  
It was like a voice inside her told her that this was all her fault, so she didn’t deserve to cry. At that moment, Lilah decided that she never would. She didn’t deserve to, and she didn’t need to, either.   
That morning was the first time she played her role. She got so lost in it that eventually, she didn’t know who she was anymore.  
Not at all.

Present, 2020, Hyperion Hotel

All those memories floated through Lilah’s mind as she repeated that one sentence to Wesley.  
‘Maybe I’m just evil’.  
‘Maybe you are, indeed, Lilah. And maybe you’re not , and I’ll never find out’.   
‘I’m not here to let you play the shrink on me or discuss the ‘good old times’ of our relationship’, Lilah said, rather annoyed.   
‘It was never a relationship, Lilah.’.  
‘You signed a dollar bill as prove’, she then grinned. ‘Are we done now? I’m in a hurry.’, she then added.  
‘I thought we agreed there are things we need to discuss, and I supposed now would be a good time to do so’, Wesley told his ex-lover with a light frown.   
‘I didn’t think so. I have to attend a meeting now.’.   
She started heading towards the hotel’s exit.  
‘Lilah...’, he called after her. ‘Have you got a place to stay?’. It was out before he knew it. Wesley wasn’t even sure ‘why’ he had said it. Did he want her to stay, was that it? Did he miss her? Had he loved her? All questions that would really hurt his head to think about. The most simple reason for why he had said it was probably that he missed to have someone living with him. He couldn’t be with Fred, so he wanted to be with Lilah now? Wasn’t that just repeating of t he past? Wasn’t that how this whole thing started in the first place?   
Lilah turned to face him again.  
‘Not yet. But I’ll find something.’, she replied, turning him down coldly as he had done to her so many times before.   
Much to Wesley’s surprise, it hurt quite a bit. Not that he had expected her to say yes, but still... He watched as she departed and noticed again some strong similarities between her and Gabrielle. She looked a lot like her mother, but did she look like him, too? Wesley wished every time he looked at her it would be like he was looking through a looking glass. Not particularly on the outside, but on the inside. Only at certain points, of course.   
Wesley headed upstairs to his daughter’s room and knocked.   
‘Gabrielle? It’s me’.   
‘Is she gone?’, the reply sounded through the closed door.   
‘Yes. She left to attend a meeting.’, he assured her.  
‘Of course.’, Gabrielle said, somewhat angry.   
Wesley let out a sigh. ‘May I come in? This doesn’t talk very easy.’   
A pause.  
‘Fine.’, she eventually gave in and unlocked the door.   
Wesley entered. ‘You picked a very decent room. We can still decorate it, of course. It’s still quite empty.’  
‘I don’t need a lot of stuff’.   
Her reaction did slightly disappoint Wesley. He just thought she’d started opening up a bit to him and now she was so distant again.   
Gabrielle noticed the disappointment in her father’s eyes and her expression softened a bit. Strange, because usually she would never really do that. She was starting to care about Wesley. Not just because he was family and she was therefore supposed to, but for who he was. Who he really was.   
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so rude’.   
Wesley’s face cleared up a little. ‘That’s quite all right, don’t worry about it. I know this is a rather difficult time for all of us. But we’ll get through it. ‘.  
‘Together.’, Gabrielle added with a smile. ‘I know, dad... Can I call you dad? ‘.   
Wesley smiled.  
‘Of course’.


	6. On the Run

6\. On the Run

‘She wants to stay here.’, Lilah said. She and Wesley were ‘finally’ discussing Gabrielle. So far they hadn’t exactly achieved much yet.   
‘Have you asked her?’. Wesley wasn’t sure if she was right, but he was however sure Gabrielle started to like him as well as Los Angeles. But live here? That was the other end of it. She had her friends in New York, her school, her entire life, actually. Wouldn’t she start hating him if he took that all away from her?   
‘Not yet. I had kind of figured out you would do that for me..’, Lilah suggested.   
‘I don’t think so, Lilah. She’s your responsibility too, still. We can go together, though, if you prefer that.’  
‘Yea.. That’s good.’, she agreed. She felt that if she would go and talk to Gabrielle alone she would either get the door slammed shut in her face or Gaby would talk to her and choose to live with her father. But, if Lilah would go and talk to her with Wesley then there might still be a chance that someone would listen to her. Not that Lilah minded if Gaby chose to live with Wesley, though. She knew her daughter would want to stay in La. And it was Lilah’s own fault. She knew she was a bad mother.   
‘That seems like a fair idea’, Wesley nodded. And so, an hour later they were both knocking on their daughter’s door. Gabrielle opened after the second knock already, she was in a much better mood then a few days earlier when her mother had unexpectedly arrived. However, when she saw her parents standing there her expression changed into something less happy. They were actually quite pathetic, Gaby thought as she watched them. That probably wasn’t easy for them though, to stand there together, so apparently they would do a lot for her after all.   
As she watched her mom and dad, she got some kind of an image of what her life could have been. It could have been happy..., with parents who lived together without fighting, a cat maybe, or a dog. That was a bit of an ouch-moment for Gabrielle, but she soon realised that life with a ‘married’ Lilah could have been much worse as well.   
‘I’m busy.’, she told them, not in the mood for a ‘we- understand-you-so-great-conversation’.   
‘We understand..’, Wesley spoke the words she didn’t want to hear.  
‘Can we come in, though?’, Lilah questioned.   
‘Unless you’ve both been turned into a vampire within the last 5 hours since I’ve last seen you I can’t exactly stop you.’, Gaby said. She stepped aside and let Wesley and Lilah in.   
‘Summer holiday will be over soon.’, her mother started. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable and therefore not used to talking to her daughter for longer than 5 minutes.   
‘I know that , mother. And yes, I know what that means; I have to go back to New York with you. Fine, I thought about it, and I will.’   
Both Lilah and Wesley frowned, they hadn’t expected this.   
‘We’re not here to make you go back to New York with your mother.’, Wesley told her.   
Gaby arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. Lots of possible reasons going through her head that might explain then why exactly her parents were here. Nothing came up that made sense..   
‘What then?’, she eventually asked.   
‘Well, we’d like you to choose... to tell us where you’d be happy.’, Lilah explained.   
‘Oh, so we’re going to play that game now, hm?! You’re both going to be like this, but when I’ll make my final decision the one I didn’t choose will tell me how disappointed he or she is so I’ll reconsider my choice. Am I right??’. Gaby didn’t understand how they could be so very naive. Did they honestly think she would buy this crap? This was the cliché- game all split-up parents played.. She had expected more of them, but seemingly Lilah and Wesley were just like everybody else; desperate to have what they both wanted the most, and unwilling to share.   
‘That’s not true, Gabrielle. Your mother and I are just saying that you can’t live both in New York ‘and’ Los Angeles, and we believe you’re old enough to make that choice yourself.’, Wesley said, trying to prevent a fight.   
‘Right.’, Gaby snorted. ‘I know who thought of this.’ She turned to Lilah and continued. ‘Now this situation has occurred, you suddenly see a great chance to get rid of me, don’t you?!’, she yelled with tears in her dark green eyes. ‘Fine! Whatever! I’ll just stay here!’.   
Not giving any of her parents a chance to say one word during her furious tirade, Gabrielle ran off, outside her room, outside the hotel, until she no longer knew where she was. She’d ran all her anger out, and for a split second she felt much better. She glanced around and wondered where she was. Lots of trees surrounded her, and it had also become very dark in the mean time. How long had she been running? She checked her watch and soon learned that she’d left the Hyperion Hotel at least 40 minutes ago... Where was she? Clearly in a forest, but where? Gaby didn’t know the neighbourhood that well.. Ok, so she could find the local supermarket and a mall that sold her favourite brand of designer clothes, but that was about it really... A slightly uncomfortable feeling crept up. It was past midnight, dark, and she was alone. Unarmed. That would be like winning the lottery for any vampire around. She took a deep breath and tried to comfort herself with the thought that no vampires were around so far. But they would be able to smell her fear! In a flash, Gabrielle could already see her epitaph. What would it say? ‘’ Beloved daughter”?   
How ironic.  
No.. she tried to stop herself from thinking all those depressing thoughts. That wouldn’t get her anywhere.   
‘I need to calm down now.’, she told herself. ‘Standing here shaking like an idiot isn’t going to help me. Think, Gaby, think. What direction did I come from?’. She walked back and tried to remember anything. Had she seen that big oak tree there before? Had she seen that pacifier probably lost by a baby or toddler there when she was running? Gaby really didn’t know. She’d been in a complete daze earlier. So angry.. All she had seen was her parents’ selfishness. She sighed and stood still, surrendering to the fear. Would it make a difference if she would stand here and cry her eyes out? Probably not, but the need was there. A minute later Gabrielle decided not to relent to her tears after all. She would make a fool of herself, even if she’d be the only one noticing. Good thing she no longer believed in fairytales, because otherwise she’d be looking for the candy house of the evil witch from Hansel & Gretel right now. She started to become tired and decided to head left. It should eventually bring her back to the land of the living, right? Once there she would take a decent cab and head back home. Not that she had any money with her, but that was of later concern. If her parents would be worried sick about her that’d be just icing on the cake. Gabrielle didn’t have a chance to head down the left path, though. Before she could even blink an unfamiliar hand with a handkerchief covered in chloroform covered her mouth. She wanted to kick, scream, or run away again, but instead everything surrounding her faded, and all she could see was black. 

‘You should have stopped her!’, Lilah said, blaming Wesley for everything that had happened. They were in the lobby, waiting for their daughter to return. They both thought, or hoped, that she was just around the corner, waiting for them to be worried enough, and then walk in with a triumphant grin. Or, they expected her to be at a friend’s house, both unaware that Gabrielle didn’t have many friends in L.A. Actually, not one.   
‘Me?! Why couldn’t you stop her??’, Wesley defended himself, tired, frustrated, and most of all very worried. He’d only found his daughter very recently, obviously he didn’t want to lose her yet! He never wanted to... He’d never loved someone like he loved Gaby. It was strange, and new, but good. Definitely good.   
‘Sure, blame it all on me! Just like you always do!’.  
Wesley let out a deep sigh. ‘Perhaps we should quit yelling and think of something to do..’, he suggested carefully.   
‘You’re probably right.’, Lilah gave in, surrendering and realising yelling wouldn’t bring her daughter back. ‘So what do we do, then?’, she asked him. ‘Apparently you know her ‘so’ much better than I do.’  
‘Lilah, that’s not true and you know it. She has lived with you for her entire life, you know her better than anyone!’. Wesley couldn’t help but start feeling some pity for the woman, despite what she did to him.   
‘No, I don’t. In the short time she’s been here you probably spent more time with her than I did throughout her whole life. She had a ‘nanny’, you know.’  
‘I know. Gabrielle told me. That, and many other things.’, Wesley said.   
‘See? She never told me anything.’  
‘Because you were never there!’.  
Lilah crossed her arms, she clearly felt threatened. ‘I’m a workaholic. Always been, always will be. You know it, and so does she.’’   
‘Yes, we know that. Don’t you regret it though, Lilah? Don’t you wish you’d done things differently?’, he questioned her.   
‘What’s done is done.’, she replied, perfectly playing her role again, just when he thought the real Lilah was starting to show. Sometimes she could really piss him off. Nearly all the time, actually. He should probably say there were rare times when she ‘didn’t’ make his blood boil. Very rare times, though.  
‘Any idea where she can be?’, Wesley then asked her. He could continue to ask her “deep” questions , but he could already see there was no use in trying. She definitely wasn’t going to take off her mask today. But would she ever?  
‘No idea. A bar? A club?’, she suggested, trying to hide the fact that she had honestly no idea if her daughter would go to these.  
‘I’ve never noticed Gabrielle going out, in the matter of fact, but it won’t hurt trying, now will it? Perhaps there is someone who has seen her.’  
Both ex-lovers took their coats and hurried out into the dark night, into Wesley’s warm and safe car. He started the engine and drove off. They sat in silence, each struggling with their own fears and emotions. Lilah was the first to interrupt the silence.  
‘Do you think she’s..’.  
‘No.’, Wesley said, not even letting her finish the sentence. He simply couldn’t bear the thought of his “little girl” as he sometimes called her in his mind, being in trouble. That thought hurt him so much more than all the times his father had beaten him up and called him useless. It even hurt more than Fred breaking up with him.  
‘She’s just trying to scare us, you’ll see.’, he continued.   
Lilah nodded. ‘Of course.’  
Wesley parked the car near some club called D’Oblique. He’d been fighting vampires there once with Angel and Cordelia and had been in long enough to learn it was a quite popular club. Popular enough to give it a try, anyway.   
They got out of the vehicle and headed in the direction of the club, only to find a ridiculous long line in front of the entrance. Lilah sighed and walked over to the security guard.   
‘Look, you have to let us in.’, she started. The guard, who seemed to fit the description “lots of muscle, little brain” very well , checked her out. And Wesley.   
‘Sorry lady, I can’t do that.’, he then decided.   
‘O, right. Because I don’t happen to fit the description of 21 minus with a skirt that looks like a broadened belt and a top that covers about nothing. Do you even know who I am?! I work with Wolfram & Hart you know! I could pick up the phone right now and have someone come over and rip out your entrails! And then, after that, I’ll make soup out of them and feed them to the homeless cats!’, Lilah exclaimed.   
Wesley couldn’t help but smile. He was glad to see that she cared more than she seemed to realise. If only she could tell that to Gabrielle, too... It would surely make things a lot easier for all three of them.  
The guard’s eyes widened to the size of plates, and in terror he stepped back to allow them entrance. Good thing his boss couldn’t see him right now. Scared off by a lady.  
Ridiculous.  
Wesley followed Lilah inside and swallowed at what he saw there. Hundreds and hundreds of people, dancing or sitting all within an inch of each other. He really couldn’t imagine Gaby being anywhere inside here.   
‘It’s impossible to find her here!’, he commented.   
Lilah rolled her eyes and led him to the bar. It made Wesley wonder if she’d been here before. Her confidant attitude seemed to prove that, but then again, Lilah “always” was like that. At the bar, Wesley took the lead. He turned to the bartender. ‘We’re looking for a girl.’  
‘Enough of those over here.’, the bartender replied while mixing a cocktail for another customer.   
‘Brown hair, green eyes, mature haircut, youthful features and expensive designer clothes? Her name is Gabrielle Morgan.’, Wesley continued hopefully.  
The bartender thought for a while as he handed the cocktail to an obviously minor girl and then turned back to the slightly desperate parents. ‘Haven’t seen her. The people who come in here of her age are more likely to fit the description of “slut”.’, he said, pointing at a group of girls covered in almost nothing. Wesley followed his glance and was very glad that his daughter didn’t approve of such clothes.   
‘So you’re absolutely sure you haven’t seen her?’, Lilah asked, looking for confirmation.  
The bartender shook his head, sure of himself. ‘I would have noticed her around here. She would have drawn my attention. Believe me, she’s not here. And if she’s not, she’s probably out there. If she’s out there, and she’s on her own, then I’d start looking for her pretty damn soon.’  
Both Wesley and Lilah nodded in unison. ‘Thank you.’, Wesley managed to say before they rushed out into the darkness again. Lilah stopped when she heard her phone ring. ‘I have to answer this. It might be important..’   
Wesley nodded shortly, hiding the fact that he was actually quite angry that she would let work come before finding their daughter. They couldn’t use “another” argument, however, so he let her have her way and kept his mouth shut. Lilah turned around and picked up her ringing cell phone. ‘Hello? What? Yes.. I understand. Thank you.. I’ll be there.’. She hung up the phone and turned back to Wesley, her eyes widened in shock a little.   
‘I know where Gabrielle is...’ .


	7. Humanity

7\. Humanity

Slowly, very slowly and carefully Gabrielle opened her eyes. She blinked a few times against the to her too bright lights and was cruelly welcomed back into the world with a head ache that made her wonder if someone had tried to split her skull open.  
‘Ah, you’re awake, I see.’, a voice said.   
Gaby groaned softly and suddenly could very much imagine how her mother felt when she was suffering from migraine again; every little sound was too much. Curiosity won, however, and she looked up to see who was the causer of this fairly unpleasant situation. She stared right into the eyes of, Lindsey McDonald. Gabrielle had met him once or twice, when she was little and the nanny had been ill or out of town. Lilah had been forced to take her daughter to important meetings she couldn’t cancel, with people that included colleagues from foreign Wolfram & Hart branches. Lindsey included.   
Gabrielle had only been six or seven years old, so still a little girl, but she remembered this man clearly. Apparently he had made an impression on her. Possibly because he hadn’t just ignored her like the other important men and women over there.   
Despite the terrible head ache, Gabrielle could remember that much...

2009, July 12th, Wolfram & Hart, New York

It was a sunny after noon and 6-year old Gaby could think of at least a 1000 more exciting things to do than be in this boring building with mommy. Speaking of, mommy was trying to get the secretary to baby-sit. Okay, she was actually manipulating her to do so, but Gaby was used to that.   
‘I’m not asking you to kill someone, I’m asking you to watch her for a few hours! How hard can it be?? She’s 6 years old, potty-trained and not under the influence of a sugar rush! If you don’t do it I’ll have them fire you, chop you into tiny pieces and send those to whoever is responsible for Wolfram & Hart not having a day care centre.’, Mommy Dearest spoke.   
‘Haven’t changed a bit, I see.’, someone from behind them said.  
Lilah left the frightened young secretary alone, for now, and turned around. ‘Well well. Lindsey McDonald. Still alive, are you?’ The two lawyers hadn’t seen each other in a few years, and Lilah had missed him like she would miss... sleeping pills. She hated sleeping pills, but sometimes you just needed some.   
‘Very alive, and planning to keep it that way for a while. And you, must be little Gabrielle.’, Lindsey said, turning to the little girl with the dark brown ponytail. Gaby nodded timidly. She wasn’t too fond of strangers, but this man seemed all right though.   
‘Leave her alone.’, Lilah snapped.   
‘Missed you too, Lilah.’, Lindsey said wit ha wink toward Gabrielle. He ignored Lilah further on and kneeled next to the little girl. ‘You know what? I was kind of hoping to see you here today.’  
Gaby’s eyes widened. ‘Really?’.  
Lindsey nodded, reached in his pocket and offered her a yummy-looking lollipop. Gaby’s eyes widened even more, if possible, and she glanced up to her mommy to see if it was okay to take this delicious gift from the kind stranger. Lilah shook her head and handed her daughter to the secretary. ‘Never take candy from strangers.’, she told her before walking away and entering the conference room with Lindsey.  
‘Pity.’, Gaby thought as she was put on the floor with her favourite Barbie doll she called Amy. ‘If my daddy wouldn’t be dead he could have been him’.

Present  
‘Lindsey. I’m guessing you didn’t bring me a lollipop this time, now did you?’, Gabrielle asked him.   
‘Sorry to disappoint you, princess. I figured you’d have grown past the candy-phase now’.  
‘Yea, I did. And if I hadn’t I sure wouldn’t take it from you. So, you kidnapped me?’, she inquired, tired of still not knowing what the hell was going on.   
‘Not personally. I have guards for that.’, Lindsey explained. He poured two glasses of Scotch and handed her one. She shook her head. ‘I don’t usually drink after being recently overdosed with Chloroform: now get down to business. Why am I here, and what do you want from me?’.   
‘Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not here for you. You’re just here so we can.. stimulate your mother to make the right decision.’  
Gabrielle rolled her eyes. ‘Great, so this is about my beloved mother again. ‘ Why was everything always about Lilah? Even Gaby’s possible death had to do with her! ‘And what decision do you mean?’.   
‘You don’t know? We heard how good she’s doing in New York, and realised we could use that success over here. We offered her a job.’, Lindsey told her.   
‘A job?! So she’s staying here. Then why that fuss about wanting me to choose between New York and Los Angeles?’, Gaby wondered aloud.   
‘She refused.’  
‘She “refused”?! Why??’. She thought she knew her mother, but apparently there was more than meets the eye about Lilah.   
‘I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you that here at Wolfram & Hart we don’t easily accept no. Not from anybody. Especially not when we really want something, or someone.’, he said.   
‘Hmm, so you kidnap me, and threaten to kill me if mom won’t take the job?’.  
‘That pretty much sums it up.’, Lindsey nodded. ‘Except we don’t just “threaten” to kill you. We really don’t have any trouble doing so.’, he continued coldly. A shiver ran down Gabrielle’s back . How much she hated it here, she really wouldn’t like to end her life like this. There was a lot she still wanted to do! Like, have a boyfriend and see the look on her mother’s face when she introduced him and he turned out to be a skinhead, or a hardcore rock star. Yea, that would be the definition of humour.   
‘I’m not afraid of you.’, she then said, and probably meant it too. She couldn’t care less about Lindsey, it was death she was afraid of.   
‘If you look the slightest bit like your parents you probably aren’t, no.’, Lindsey said, sipping from his drink. He quite liked the girl, she reminded him of Lilah, and he had always found her rather amusing.   
‘You’re not a very good kidnapper, are you?’, Gabrielle interrupted his thoughts about past memories of the time he and Lilah were still partners. He raised an eyebrow. ‘Excuse me?’.   
‘I said, kidnapping doesn’t appear to be your greatest talent. And if it is, you suck. I mean, I’m not even tied up and you just let me sit here in your office with you! You even offered me a drink! Any other criminal would laugh at you.’  
Lindsey smiled, still just as calm as usual. ‘I have my own methods, darling. ‘  
‘Like?’.  
‘Like Charlie. He’s waiting right outside my office, carrying a gun, ready to shoot as soon as I tell him to, or just hint him to do so. So, if I were you, princess, I’d make sure I wouldn’t make any sudden movements that he might interpret to be a hint.’  
Gabrielle swallowed, she knew better than to doubt the words of a Wolfram& Hart employee. Much better. Before she had a chance, though, to make a witty comment on what Lindsey had just said, the doors flew open and Gaby could already picture herself laying on the floor with a bullet through her head. Although the person who stormed in looked nothing like Charlie.  
‘Mom!’, Gaby exclaimed and rose from her chair for the first time. Unfortunately, her head didn’t seem to approve of this sudden use of kinetic energy, and a sharp pain knocked her right back into her seat. ‘Ouch.’, she murmured.  
‘Gabrielle! What did you do to her, you... you...’, Lilah looked for the right name-calling-word that would describe Lindsey, but she couldn’t find anything suitable, so just shouted the first word that popped up in her head. ‘Country boy!’.  
Lindsey laughed loudly. ‘Country boy, Lilah? Can’t come up with anything better, can you?’.  
Their almost-conversation was disturbed by Wesley running in, slightly out of breath. His eye caught Gaby, still in pain, and he hurried over to her. ‘Are you all right?’, he inquired, and turned to Lindsey as she nodded. Lilah had explained the situation to him in the car, and he’d been quite angry for letting her get “their” daughter involved. But then, he reminded himself it was Wolfram& Hart,. They could do anything, so he decided not to blame Lilah for it. At least not fully. ‘Let her go.’, he demanded.   
Lindsey wasn’t much affected by Wesley’s serious face though, and had called Charlie in in the mean time.   
Lilah rolled her eyes at Lindsey. ‘You really think you’ve got it all covered, don’t you? An important job, dream-salary, power. You think you’ve got it in you to manipulate people and your conscience doesn’t matter. You think everything is about you, as well as this. You know what, Lindsey? I’ll take the job. But let me tell you something new: not for you, or because I’m scared of your empty threats. For her.’. Lilah paused, feeling very much as if she’d just crossed a personal line, so she continued more casually. ‘So when do I start?’.  
Lindsey smiled and sent a disappointed Charlie out. ‘Gee, Lilah, and then you say ‘I ‘ have gone soft? You start Monday morning. Make sure you’re on time.’   
‘Have I ever been late?’, she replied, walking over to Gabrielle and helping her up with Wesley’s help. Lilah wasn’t sure why she had said the things she had just said, it just wasn’t like her to show that much of herself. It was probably the fear of something happening to her daughter. It made her realise that it didn’t matter whether she was evil in Los Angeles or in New York. If this meant Gaby would live and be okay, then fine, she would face some awkward moments with Wesley. As long as her child was safe... ‘I really have turned into a softy..’, Lilah thought.  
Gabrielle leaned on her parents ,she still felt pretty weak and dizzy in her head. Possibly a combination of the aftermath of the chloroform, and fear.   
‘Let’s just get us out of here.’, Wesley said, lifting Gaby up in his arms to speed things up. He headed outside, followed by Lilah. He was very much aware that things could have ended a lot worse for them, but that didn’t change the anger toward Lilah that he couldn’t seem to get rid of. The passive agressiva.   
‘So this was all about your job...’, he said. He felt the desperate urge to hit her for putting Gabrielle in danger, but he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Wesley had learnt to control himself through the years, and so he staid calm and positioned his daughter in the back of the car.   
All that had happened had tired her out; fighting with her parents, running away and getting lost, being kidnapped, fear.. She was half asleep at this point and hardly heard the things her parents were about to say.   
‘I never meant to put her in danger.’, Lilah got in the passengers seat and couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty at this point.   
‘But you did.’, Wesley fastened his seatbelt and drove off into the dark night. He interpreted her silence wrongly, his anger increased some more. ‘Does it really do nothing to you, Lilah?’.   
She turned her head away from him, pretending to look outside the window, but in reality trying to keep him from seeing her tears. Lilah hated tears, but she couldn’t help it. Almost something bad had happened to Gabrielle, her only child, and apparently that had touched a sweet spot. A human spot. Possibly the only human spot she had left.   
Wesley glanced at her to see why she wasn’t replying. He watched her reflection through the looking glass, and he could see she was crying. He sighed, not sure what to do next. He knew it hadn’t really been her fault, he’d just been looking for a scapegoat. Somewhere inside he was glad to see her crying, it showed the real Lilah was still in there, whoever she was. Wesley wondered if he should comfort her in any way, though he could imagine her not being comfortable with that, yet he didn’t want her to look so... lonely.  
‘Lilah..’, he softly said and placed a gentle hand on her knee. Much to his surprise, she didn’t withdraw immediately, and also didn’t start making loads of silly excuses that would explain her humanity.   
‘So.. you’re staying in LA for a bit longer, then.’, he tried to make some ordinary conversation.   
Lilah just nodded.   
‘Have you got a place to stay?’, he asked. He’d asked it before, with unfortunate outcome, but felt he would get a real, honest answer now.   
She slowly shook her head, and then was quiet for a long time, before finally saying: ‘Are you offering?’.  
Wesley slightly smiled. ‘Well, I happen to have a rather comfortable sofa, and a guest room for our daughter. How would you like that?’.  
A little smile curled around Lilah’s lips, just a little smile. ‘That sounds good. What do you think, Gabrielle?’. Both adults turned around to face their daughter, only to find she had fallen asleep. Wesley and Lilah smiled at each other and spent the rest of the ride in silence.   
‘You can pick up your stuff from the hotel tomorrow.’, he said as he parked the vehicle by his apartment.   
‘Yea.’, Lilah nodded and waited till Wesley had lifted Gaby into his arms again, and headed to the front door. She opened the door for him and closed it as all three of them were inside. ‘It’s just till I find something for myself..’, Lilah said, trying to reassure herself more than Wesley. Wesley walked into the guest room and placed Gaby on the bed carefully. ‘Of course.’, he nodded.   
Lilah walked over to the bed and took off Gaby’s high heels. ‘Doesn’t sleep that easily with stilettos on.’, she explained, and then did something she had never done before; she tucked her daughter in, much to Wesley’s, and her own, surprise. After that, they quietly left the room.  
‘Well, if you didn’t hate me before, you sure do now.’, she said.   
‘I thought I’d made clear before that I didn’t hate you. And I was quite angry with you first, if you must know, but at this moment I’m actually rather proud of you.’, Wesley assured her as he handed her a few blankets and a pillow to make up her bed on the sofa. She took them and placed them on the sofa, that indeed looked quite comfortable. ‘Proud? Gee, thank you so much.’, she said with a sarcastic laugh.   
He rolled his eyes. ‘You get what I mean.’  
She sat down on the sofa and nodded. ‘Yea. I get that. ‘  
Wesley watched her for a moment. ‘Do you need anything else, perhaps?’.  
‘No, but thanks. ‘. She felt cold, and alone. No one had ever told her feeling like this was a consequence of being a vicious bitch. She felt the urge to walk up to Wesley and kiss him. Simply to feel warm again, but of course she didn’t. Because that, would be inappropriate. Even for her.  
‘All right.’ As Wesley continued to look at her a bit longer, he remembered something he’d once read but never quite understood until now.: ‘Look at people closely and you’ll discover their humanity.’. He’d probably never looked at Lilah long enough before.   
‘Good night, Lilah.’.  
‘Good night, Wesley.’


	8. A New Life in LA

8\. Starting Over

Light shone through the curtains in Wesley’s living-room. Lilah lazily opened her eyes and wondered how her hotel could have changed the curtains in 12 hours without her noticing, until she suddenly remembered she was no longer at the Kingsley Hotel, but at Wesley’s place. As she thought back to the previous night, and how much she had showed of herself, Lilah found she could use a drink. Although it might be a little too early for that. She glanced at the clock on the wall and learned it was barely 6 AM. Too early for whiskey, or vodka, or anything like that. Coffee would have to do, then.   
Everyone else was presumably still asleep. Lilah got up and entered the small kitchen, longing for a cup of strong coffee. She found it in the second cabinet and ran a hand through her hair as she waited till the coffeemaker was finished. She’d slept with her clothes on, because the rest of her stuff was still at the hotel. She’d pick those up later.  
‘Morning, Lilah.’, Wesley greeted her as he entered the kitchen. Lilah hadn’t heard him coming in at all.   
‘Morning. I never expected you to be a morning person.’  
‘I’m not. I couldn’t sleep, that’s all.’, Wesley said.   
‘And does that happen to have anything to do with the fact that you’ve got someone on your couch Angel doesn’t exactly approve of?’, Lilah inquired, pouring herself coffee, and offering to Wesley.   
He nodded, in need of some strong coffee also, after a sleepless night spent pondering about pretty much everything that was going on right now. ‘Angel has nothing to say about who does or does not sleep on my couch.’, he defended himself.   
‘I expected that reply.’, Lilah said with a half grin, handing him his coffee.  
He took it from her. ‘Thank you. So have you got any plans for today?’  
‘Just picking up my stuff from the hotel, and working. I want to finish most of my cases off in New York and otherwise find someone who will be able to do so, so that I can start my new job fully determined. If there’s some time left, I’m of course going to look for a place to live.’  
‘There’s no rush, though. You and Gaby can stay here for as long as you like..’, Wesley assured her.  
‘So she’s going to move in with me? Is that what you mean?’, Lilah questioned. She had expected Wesley to want to have Gabrielle live with him. How could he want his only daughter to live with ‘the bitch from hell’? A mother like her?   
‘I’d love to have her live with me, Lilah... But I think you and her have things to figure out. You must understand that relationship between a mother and a daughter is a very valuable thing. ‘, Wesley said. He’d seen Lilah’s humanity now, and knew there should be a possibility for her to have a normal, or as normal as could be, relationship with their daughter, and even though they both didn’t seem to see that opportunity yet, he believed that someday they would, and that was enough reason for him.   
‘I know that’s important, but I’m not the mothering type, you should have known that by now.’  
‘Still, you both deserve a chance. She can be with me every other week, then she’d live with both of us..’, Wesley suggested.  
‘Fine.. but don’t expect too much of it.’, Lilah said , exiting the kitchen and sitting down on the couch in the living-room cross-legged, and moving the blankets away so Wesley could sit down too.   
He rather remained standing. ‘I won’t. Now something else. I’ve been looking around, completely and only out of simple curiosity, for well-known high schools in Los Angeles. I thought that maybe there was a small, small possibility that Gabrielle would stay here.’, Wesley admitted, not good at showing some emotions of his own, either.   
Lilah noticed and let a small smile curl around her lips. ‘And?’  
‘I have come across a rather good one. Might be worth it for you to check it out. It’s called the Jon F. Kennedy High School, they teach with a remarkable skill and about 76 per cent of their students attends university after graduating. ‘, he continued, excited over the good quality and results of the school’s ex-students. It could have been a school for him, had he lived in California when he was younger.   
‘That sounds good. I’ll check it out later on.. if I have time.’, Lilah added, knowing almost for sure that she wouldn’t have time. It was going to be a busy day with lots of things to take care of. She wanted to start over in LA 100 % fresh without leaving a mess behind in New York. Lilah hated to leave a mess behind.   
Wesley let out a sigh, she didn’t even have to say anything, he could read from her face she would be way too busy. For him, it wouldn’t have mattered, but he knew with Lilah work was just more important than anything. Or so ‘she’ though. He’d seen last night that was just a role, though Lilah had yet to realise it. She was so grown into her role that she barely saw the difference between that Lilah, and the real Lilah. She would, though. Wesley would show her, of course with help from their daughter.

Two weeks had passed and Gabrielle got accepted into the John F. Kennedy school. At first she had hated the thought of actually having to get a life here. She missed Lisa, her best friend. But it was, however, a fact that Gaby loved school, no matter in which city she was. She could start right after the summer holidays, so she wouldn’t get stared at as much as when she would have barged in in the middle of the semester.   
Or so she hoped.   
Today was the first school day, and here Gaby was, waiting till the principal would see her... It would take a while, or so she’d been told. Gabrielle couldn’t admit she wasn’t nervous. Even she got freaked out by a new school. She sighed deep and checked her hair and make-up in the mirror on the wall opposite. She’d tied her brown hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a chique jeans with a black casual T-shirt. Black was safe for every occasion, her mother had told her. And of course it had gladly been confirmed by Angel.   
Tic-tac... the large wooden clock on the wall was driving Gaby insane, she felt every ‘tic’ as a loud bam in her head.   
Since she would be sitting her e for a while, she let her mind wander back to what had happened in the past two weeks. She and Lilah were still staying at her father’s place, her mother had not yet found something matching her high expectations. Gabrielle wondered if she ever would. Not that she minded, though. Living with her father was better than she’d expected. Lilah was hardly ever at home at day, so father and daughter had had all the time to get to know each other better. Gaby had heard all about her father’s past ,including the not-so-nice details that involved broom closets and whatsoever. Of course they were shocking to her, but they also helped Gaby understand him better. And he understood her. During those two weeks, a potential close father-daughter relationship was born. Gabrielle smiled, and knew she’d made the right choice coming to Los Angeles.   
‘The principal will see you now.’, the woman behind the reception desk said suddenly, out of nowhere. Gabrielle nodded, stood up and swallowed, and walked into the office of the principal, Mr. Stones. She smiled her I’m-your-potential-best-student-smile.  
‘Gabrielle Morgan? ‘, the principal asked. He looked as if the summer holidays hadn’t nearly lasted long enough for him. It could also be the temperature, though. The man was wearing a suit while it was like 80 degrees here in the office.   
‘Yes, that’s me.’, Gaby nodded, sitting down as he gave her permission to do so with a nod. There was a silence when the principal looked up and opened her file.   
‘Ah, you’re the girl from New York. I remember talking to your father on the phone. He sounded like a fine gentleman. British? ‘  
‘Yes, he was born in London.’  
‘A fine city. I see here your parents are separated. Is that the reason why you moved here?’  
Gaby didn’t see why this was his business, but she showed she had some manners and answered very politely. ‘Not exactly. I came here to meet my father during the summer holidays, and now my mother moved here because she was offered a job.’, she explained.   
‘I see. So I understand you live with your mother?’  
‘No. Well, yes... Sort of... at the moment...’, she glanced at the principal’s puzzled face and simplified her answer. ‘I live with both my parents.’  
‘Of course, you see that often with children whose parents have split up. I suppose you spend the weekends with your father?’  
Gaby wanted to say that her ‘separated’ parents lived together in the same apartment, but that would only give the slightly nosy man more to talk about, so she simply said: ‘Something like that, yes.’  
The answer seemed to satisfy him, and he seemed to, finally, know enough about her private life for now. ‘Let’s take a look at your results on the previous school..’ he flipped some pages in her file and found what he was looking for. ‘A straight A student, I see. We don’t see that around so often anymore those days.’, Mr. Stones said. ‘But of course the educational level on our school is quite a bit higher than on the average high school.’, he continued.  
Gabrielle raised a perfect eyebrow. She seriously doubted what the man was saying. Lilah had made sure she’d gotten the best education she could get back in Yew York, but who cared if this man was just a tad too full of himself and his school. That made her wonder what kind of teens would go to school here, anyway. Normal ones? Or only the super-smart-nerdy-kind? In either case, would she fit in?   
‘I’ll do my best, Mr. Stones.’, Gaby promised him with a self confidant smile.   
‘And that’s all you can do. Here is your schedule, and an information booklet that includes the rules of the school.’, he said, handing the papers to her. ‘Miss Morgan, I wish you all the best of luck, and I hope to see you again sometime. But not too often, right?’, he added with a wink.   
Gabrielle took the papers from him and forced a smile. For some reason, she didn’t really like this man. ‘Not too often.’, she repeated, and walked out of his office, heading for the first lesson that, according to the schedule, was mathematics. It was said to be in room 217, so Gaby climbed the marble stairs until she reached the second floor. There she went looking for classroom 217. Fortunately, she found it rather quickly. Gabrielle was slightly nervous, but didn’t show it, of course. On the outside she looked as cool as could be.   
She knocked on the classroom-door shortly and entered. As expected, all eyes were on her immediately. Good thing she didn’t blush that easily.  
‘Hello.. I’m..-‘, she didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence, the quite good-looking ( for his age) teacher interrupted her. ‘You’re the new student! Gabrielle Morgan, right? Come on in.’  
Gaby slowly entered, glad she didn’t have to explain herself.   
‘You can sit over there, next to Stephanie. ‘, the teacher pointed, and she gladly obliged, carefully avoiding the still gaping students. Fortunately this Stephanie didn’t seem too impressed with her presence, and Gabrielle was totally okay with that. She didn’t like all those questions, which was why she hardly asked any herself.   
‘Hey.’, Stephanie whispered.   
‘Hey.’, Gaby whispered back, keeping an eye on the teacher who had returned to writing equations on the blackboard.  
‘Mr. Simons told us you were coming, but still, you can’t prevent the staring.’, Stephanie said with a half grin. She looked like a nice girl, her black hair was quite obviously dyed, but it looked good on her anyway. She was dressed rather casually in a jeans and a dark green sweater. The only thing remarkable about her were the big attention-drawing jewellery. She wore a ring with a huge stone in the colour of her sweater, and an, also green, amulet. They suited her appearance, though Gabrielle found her looking slightly, just slightly, mystical.   
Both girls giggled at Stephanie’s last comment.   
‘We’re working on equations and simplifying them and stuff. You know how those work?’  
‘Yea, I had those in New York.’, Gaby replied.   
When Mr. Simons finished explaining and told them the work they had to do both girls started doing it, meanwhile busy chatting about anything more interesting than boring equations. It was the start of a new friendship.

‘Hey, Gabrielle! Come sit with us!’, Stephanie called out. It was lunch time, and she was sitting in the school-cafeteria with a to Gaby still unfamiliar, yet really good-looking boy. Gabrielle was carrying a tray with hopefully edible food. She felt like everyone was staring at her, so she was glad she knew at least one person. She walked over and sat down by the two other teenagers.   
‘This is Nick.’, Stephanie introduced the boy. ‘He slept with pretty much every girl in this school, so let me warn you for him. Except me, though. Because I don’t want him, and I’m not his type, anyway. ‘, she explained, receiving glares from Nick, which she ignored. ‘Not that he thinks I’m unattractive. The dude thinks I’m hot! ‘, she joked. ‘No, kidding. We’re just friends.’  
‘Best friends.’, Nick added, simply frowning at his friend’s warnings to Gabrielle. He was used to her being like that, anyway. He kind of liked Stephanie’s sincerity. She was so different from the other girls who were often really fake. He held his hand out to Gabrielle. ‘Nick Montgomery. ‘  
Gaby shook his hand. ‘I’m Gabrielle Morgan.’  
‘I know. Everyone’s pretty much talking about you.’, he laughed. Gaby started to fork her food and tried eating some. ‘Good to know, but was expected. In New York a new student was old news in a second, but this school is like 10 times as small. ‘  
‘I bet.’, Stephanie laughed. ‘Do you miss it?’  
‘New York? It’s okay, I miss my best friend, but it’s not so much different from LA. I always tend to think that no matter in which city you are, there are always hysterical people running around and there are always people who want to be your friend, and people who, well, don’t.’  
‘Yup. Just like in every school there are bitches.’, Stephanie agreed, eyeing the most popular, and most annoying, girls of the school coming closer.   
‘Something like that. Eh, if you girls don’t mind, I’m going to sit with my friends from the football team now. Catch ya later, Steph. See ya, Gabrielle.’, Nick said, and off he was.   
‘He’s like that sometimes. He wants to be my friend, and he is.. but he just puts too much value in popularity. He doesn’t like to be seen with a freak like me.’, Stephanie explained with a laugh, though deep in her eyes slight pain could be noticed.  
‘Why do they call you a freak?’, Gaby inquired.  
‘Cause , you know, I do stuff..’  
‘Stuff?’  
‘You know... stuff... Like, witchcraft?’, Stephanie said.  
‘Oh.’, Gabrielle replied, nodding.   
‘I probably am a freak, but who cares? I think there are more things between heaven and earth than people like to believe. What do you think, Gabrielle?’, Stephanie asked with a serious look on her face.  
‘I think you might be right.’

Later that after noon Gabrielle walked up the steps to her father’s apartment. They had a key made for her the week before, so she had no problems entering when both parents were at work.  
‘I’m home!’, she called out, taking off her coat and putting her bag down. Of course, she didn’t expect to find Lilah here, but she hoped Wesley was there. She’d liked to tell someone about her first school day experiences.  
‘Hello Gabrielle.’, her father, apparently not at work, greeted his daughter. He made a rather nervous impression to her, she wondered why. ‘How was your day?’, he inquired.  
‘It was quite good, actually.’ Before she had a chance to say more Wesley had interrupted her again. ‘Good. Good to hear. Gabrielle, I want you to meet someone..’. He took her hand, and led her into the living-room, where Gaby faced a rather old-looking man.  
‘Gabrielle, meet Roger Wyndam-Pryce. Your grandfather.’


	9. Only That Night

9\. Only That Night

Gabrielle raised an eyebrow at her father’s words. Of course, she was aware of the fact she had a grandfather, and had known he was still alive, but she simply hadn’t thought she would be meeting him. At least not any time in the nearby future. Yet he was here now.. She looked at Wesley in confusion, kind of too shocked to remember what to do now. Fortunately, her “grandfather” made the first move by getting up and offering her his hand. Gaby shook his hand.   
‘A pleasure to finally meet you, Gabrielle.’, Mr. Wyndam-Pryce Sr. said.  
‘Yes...it’s... interesting, to meet you too.’, she replied, still shocked by his sudden, unexpected appearance.   
Roger stepped back, looking at his granddaughter up and down. Gaby felt the urge to say something about it, but saw the warning look on Wesley’s face and wisely swallowed her witty comment.  
‘At least you seem to look nothing like my son in appearance.’, Roger commented as he finished his ‘inspection’ on his granddaughters appearance.   
Wesley sighed quietly, and felt like his young self again, frightened of his father, the man who seemed to have power over everything. Wesley thought he had changed, over the years he’d told himself so often that his father no longer had power over him, but now he was here, standing right in front of him, and the opposite was true. Being ignorant to his father and his aching words was a beautiful lie, but nothing more than that.   
‘Would you like a drink, father?’, Wesley asked, to change the subject.  
‘Yes, thank you. After already being here for 30 minutes after a long, tiring journey, I would very much appreciate a drink.’, Roger replied, disapproval of his only son sounding through in his voice.   
‘I just made tea. Gabrielle, would you like some too?’  
Gabrielle nodded shortly and followed her father into the kitchen. ‘What do you think you’re doing?! You can’t let him talk to you, and to me, like this!’, she exclaimed, an angry look upon her face. She simply couldn’t understand Wesley’s behaviour.   
‘He’s my father, Gabrielle.’, Wesley replied, pouring tea.   
‘So?! Screw him! He already hurt you so much when you were young, why would you let him continue?!’  
Wesley let out a sigh. ‘I never expected you to understand.’  
‘Oh no?? I ‘do’ understand, dad. You want his appreciation. His approval. You want it so bad, that you’re willing to take anything from him, hoping that one day he’ll accept you as who you are.’, Gaby said, in a softer voice now. She loved her father, very much, and didn’t want him to be hurt. Or stepped on, in any way.   
‘You do understand.. I’m sorry, Gabrielle, for underestimating your psychological insight. I know you’re no longer a child. It’s just that when the conversation is about my father I often get carried away.’, Wesley apologised.   
‘We’ll make the best of it, all right? And when he crosses a line I’ll personally kick his ass. Yes?’ Gaby respected her father’s choice, but would stick around personally to make sure he wouldn’t get any new, fresh traumas.  
‘Yes.’, Wesley nodded with half a smile, picking up the cups of tea and carrying them to the living-room, where his father was sat on the couch. Straight up, as always.   
Wesley gave everyone their tea, the requested cream and sugars, and sat down next to Gabrielle opposite his father. ‘Is mother all right?’, he inquired, referring to his mother’s absence during this unexpected visit.   
‘She stayed at home with migraine. ‘, Roger said, lying, because the actual reason for his wife Katherine’s absence was that she didn’t exactly feel the need to meet a granddaughter who had a Wolfram & Hart lawyers as a mother ‘and’ had also been raised by her. She had better things to do, like, lunch with her high-in-society friends. Roger, however, was curious.   
‘Wesley here tells me you’re seventeen. What kind of school do you go to?’, he inquired, addressing Gabrielle.   
‘Just school.’, she replied, not feeling like being extremely nice to a person who had hurt, if not deeply traumatized, her father. Roger wasn’t worth her liking, not in the least bit.   
‘Most of the seventeen-year-olds I know are a lot more polite and address their elders with respect.’, Roger commented with a frown.   
Gabrielle suppressed a roll of her eyes and a mean comment. ‘My upright, most- meant apologies “grandfather”. I attend the John F. Kennedy High School, which provides a “ splendid” education as well as preparations for independence. 76 % of the graduated students went to university and are considered highly developed and skilled people in the society.’, Gaby quoted from the book with school rules, sarcasm dripping off her voice.   
Her grandfather, apparently, didn’t notice it, or simply ignored it, because he nodded approvingly at the qualities of the school.   
‘I assume your mother chose the school? And pays for it? ‘, he then inquired, not having high expectations of his son’s financial well-being.   
‘Actually, dad picked it. They share the cost.’, Gabrielle told him casually. Just as casually as Lilah was when she was about t have somebody killed. Not that Gaby was planning on having her grandfather killed, but she certainly wouldn’t mind seeing him move to some other world, or dimension.   
‘Hm. So, you’re mother, Lilah Morgan, isn’t it? Where is she? ‘, Roger inquired, changing the subject.  
‘She’s at work.’, Wesley replied, not sure why his father wanted anything to do with someone like Lilah.   
‘I wasn’t asking you anything , son. I asked the child.’  
Gabrielle didn’t bother to pretend now, she just rolled her eyes. ‘She’s at work.’, she repeated her father’s words. ‘And I’m not a child.’, she quickly added.   
‘You are a child. Now, this Lilah, I want to meet her.’, Roger decided. He found he had all the right to meet the mother of his grandchild.   
‘Meet her?’ Wesley’s eyes widened. ‘I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea, father.’ The thought of Lilah and his father meeting each other wasn’t precisely a thing to look forward to. At all.   
‘do I look like I care about what you think? Exactly, no. And I don’t. So, how soon can this happen?’  
Gabrielle followed the little discussion between her father and grandfather and simply couldn’t believe it, but Roger seemed even worse than her mother! Her dad was totally surrounded by two traumatising people, it seemed. Good thing he still had her.   
‘Eh.. Lilah’s at work, often. And I don’t know if she..-‘ ‘, Wesley stammered.  
‘How soon?’, Roger repeated, not letting his son finish his sentence.   
‘I’m sure we’ll be able to arrange something tomorrow night.’, Wesley than said.  
Gabrielle shared a look with her father and nodded. ‘I’m sure we will. ‘

‘Why would I be interested in, or even consider, meeting your father?’, Lilah asked as she and Wesley were getting ready for dinner with Roger Wyndam-Pryce. The previous day Lilah had already agreed to meeting the man in question, but mainly because she’d been about to attend a meeting and hadn’t really thought about what she’d got herself into by saying yes. But, evil or not, Lilah hated to break a promise, so here she was, in the bedroom with Wesley, getting dressed and talking as if they were some sort of married couple.   
‘I don’t ask you to be interested, Lilah. All I ask you is to come with me and Gabrielle, and my .. nice... to my father.’, Wesley said. He was glad Lilah would come, because he hated to disappoint his father.  
‘Fine.’ Lilah had finished her hair and make-up and was now putting in her diamond earrings. ‘Why is this so important to you, anyway? I don’t remember you and your father being so close at all.’  
‘We’re not, close. I don’t have rather pleasant memories from my childhood with my father, and I wouldn’t like to stir things up even more.’, Wesley explained, nervously re-checking his appearance in to mirror for the thousandth time that evening. ‘Ready?’  
‘Ready.’, Lilah nodded, getting up from the bed, and following Wesley to the living-room where their daughter was already waiting for them.   
Gabrielle hadn’t bothered to put too much effort in her appearance at all, she didn’t like this man a little, so why would she? The only reason she was here was her father. He seemed to want this.  
Wesley watched her, and was glad she was coming too. ‘You look nice.’, he told Gaby, looking at the black Dolce & Gabanna skirt and red, also D&G, top she was wearing. The black high heels completed the what could be called a “Lilah-look”.   
Gabrielle smiled and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. ‘Thanks, dad. Didn’t want to overdress.’  
‘And you didn’t.’, Lilah commented. She hadn’t “overdressed” herself either. She was wearing a black little dress, good for any occasion varying from dinner to funeral, and she’d done her hair in curls. Of course the killer high heels couldn’t be missed.   
‘Shall we go?’, Wesley asked, afraid that if he didn’t mix in now, a discussion about clothes would start.   
‘Yes.’, Lilah agreed, heading outside to the car.   
Wesley followed and took place behind the steering wheel, and drove off when Gabrielle was in the car as well. It was a short fifteen minutes to the restaurant his father had picked himself. Not a lot was said, though. Wesley was too nervous, Lilah was too annoyed because she had better things to do, and that left Gabrielle with simply no one to talk to.   
The three entered the restaurant and found Roger already sitting by a table for four. He got up as he noticed they had arrived.   
‘Hello, father.’, Wesley greeted him, and waited till Lilah was standing next to him. ‘Father, meet Lilah Morgan, Gabrielle’s mother. Lilah, this is my father, Roger Wyndam-Pryce.’, he introduced them.  
‘Nice to ‘finally’ meet you.’, Roger said. He had prejudices, of course, because Lilah worked for Wolfram & Hart, and was connected to his son, but he couldn’t deny Lilah looked, and acted, rather charming.   
‘The pleasure’s all mine.’, Lilah said with a smile, and then sat down next to Wesley. The 4 shared some small talk and ordered before Roger go to the subject. ‘How come I haven’t heard of Gabrielle’s existence before?’, he inquired with an accusing look towards Wesley.   
‘Well.. er..’ Wesley shifted uncomfortable on his chair.   
‘You didn’t know, because Wesley didn’t even know of her existence.’, Lilah took over casually. ‘Before Gabrielle was born it seemed like the right thing to do.’  
Roger nodded. ‘It probably was. My son wouldn’t have made a good father, anyway. He would have probably cowered off.’  
‘I’m not so sure about that. The reason why I left had more to do with me than with Wesley.’, Lilah explained. Wesley was special to her, on her own way, but special. She couldn’t have anyone, besides herself, talking about Wesley like that. But of course Lilah knew better than to make a scene. She handled the situation with skill and finesse.   
‘Right. And now you changed your mind?’, Roger asked.  
‘Gabrielle did, actually. She wanted to meet her father.’  
‘And I assume now you wish you hadn’t?’, Roger turned to Gabrielle for the first time that evening.  
‘In the matter of fact, I’m very happy to know my father.’, Gaby said coldly.   
‘Yes, well.. So you got married how soon after you returned to Los Angeles?’, Roger questioned.  
Wesley and Lilah exchanged a glance. ‘We’re not married, father.’, Wesley admitted, staring at the floor.   
‘Not married? Yet living together?’ Roger shook his head. ‘I didn’t expect anything else from you, Wesley.’  
Lilah frowned. ‘Mr Wyndam-Pryce, Wesley and I are not married because were not in love. I’m only staying at his apartment for a little while, until I found something else.’, she explain calmly. Roger glared some more, clearly showing he didn’t agree with the situation the least bit. Yes, he hated Wolfram & Hart, but Lilah was the mother of his grandchild, and she was not married to his son. Quite a scandal, according to him.   
The rest of the night was filled with awkward small talk. Lilah had asked Roger about the Council, and that had slightly eased him, but one could hardly call this dinner fun. Therefore, Wesley was relieved to announce after dessert, that it was time to go for the three of them.   
‘All right.’, Roger nodded, and turned to Gabrielle. ‘I’d like to meet you again. Friday after noon, twelve o’clock. We will have lunch here.’, he decided.   
Gabrielle rose an eyebrow. Why would he want to talk to her?   
‘I have school then..’, she protested.   
‘Ah , of course. I’ll arrange something. Be on time.’ And he walked off, leaving a startled Gabrielle behind without saying anything else.   
‘Come on, let’s go home. You’re not going on Friday.’, Wesley decided, leading Lilah and Gabrielle back to the car.

An hour later, after Gabrielle had gone to bed, Lilah poured Wesley a glass of strong whiskey. He needed it.  
‘I thought it was over..’, Wesley said as he took the glass from her. ‘I thought he no longer had power over me.. but I was wrong. Every thing he said... it still hurts.’ He wasn’t sure why he was telling all t his to Lilah. Maybe because she was the only one here, or maybe because of another reason he didn’t want to think of.   
Lilah sat down next to him. She was feeling confused also, why did she feel so sorry for him? She used to laugh at other people’s misery. ‘I should probably say something softie-ish, like, everything will be okay. Or: this has nothing to do with you.’, but we both know that’s not how I am.’  
‘Do I, Lilah? Do I know you?’, Wesley asked.   
She shrugged. ‘Maybe... at least you’re closer to me than anyone else was before.’, she softly admitted. Lilah knew very well this was turning into a softie-moment again, and she hated it. When she was with Wesley, these moments just happened to come along every now and then. Maybe she just had to accept it, as long as they didn’t occur too often, and only with Wesley.   
Lilah poured them both another glass of whiskey. It was a strange night, anyway.   
‘Are you trying to get me drunk?’, Wesley asked her, frowning. However, he didn’t hesitate to down the whole drink at once.   
‘You don’t seem to mind.’, Lilah commented, drinking her whisky slightly slower.  
‘I never said I did.’ Wesley started to feel light-headed, he should watch out not to get too drunk. That would make things awkward. ‘Maybe that’s what I want right now, getting drunk.’, he continued, pouring their glasses full yet again. Lilah didn’t seem to mind, either.   
‘You feel bad. Because of your father. Do you hate him?’, she questioned, also starting to feel light-headed.   
‘I don’t know... I don’t think so.. No, I couldn’t. He’s my father.’  
‘So? You don’t pick your family.’, Lilah said, rolling over to lay on the couch, too blurred out by the alcohol to notice ,or mind, that her head had landed on Wesley’s lap. Both started to laugh.   
‘You could be a nice person, Lilah. You could seem human.’, Wesley told her ,subconsciously stroking her now loosened hair.  
‘Sure. And I could give up my job and work in a club called “Pussycat” where I’d be a topless waitress.’, Lilah joked, laughing, still.   
‘Not such a bad idea, perhaps.’ Wesley joined in her laughter, then suddenly staring down into her hazel brown eyes, and silencing immediately.   
‘What?’, she asked, confused by the sudden silence.   
‘I like your eyes.’ It was really the alcohol talking now, Wesley would never tell her this if he were sober.   
‘You are so drunk.’, Lilah laughed, tracing patterns on his chest with her fingernails. ‘I wonder what your broody boss would think of this.’, she teased.  
‘You’re not quite sober either, are you? I don’t care what Angel thinks about me.’, he said, and suddenly, he wanted her. It was a feeling totally unexpected and weird but in the same time it made perfect sense. Wesley pulled her up and kissed her hard and passionate, and Lilah kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. That night, everything was wild and releasing and perfect and weird in the same time. Wesley didn’t mind, though, because he was hurt and needed some comfort, or distraction. Or maybe, because of reasons he did not want to admit. Not to himself, not to anyone.   
Except to Lilah.  
Only that night.


	10. A Beautiful Lie

10\. Beautiful Lie

Lilah woke up first, a glance at the alarm clock learned her it was 10 o’clock already. She was supposed to be at work hours ago! Lilah sat up, and suddenly remembered what had happened the previous night. She clutched the blanket and pulled it tighter around herself as she looked down on the still sleeping Wesley. Would he kick her out, just as he used to do? Or wouldn’t he? Lilah laid back down, she was late for work now anyway. A few more minutes wouldn’t matter now.  
Why did she want to be here? What did she really feel for Wesley? No. She wasn’t supposed to be feeling this. The only reason they had slept together was because they’d been drunk. Both of them.   
‘Fred?’, Wesley said, stirring, but not opening his eyes yet. Lilah swallowed, so he still had a crush on the science-twig. Not too much of a surprise, but still, kind of awkward.   
‘Sorry to disappoint you.’, she said, turning on her side so Wesley faced just her back, and wouldn’t see the hurt expression in her eyes. Wesley opened his eyes, and was immediately fully awake by her remark.   
‘Lilah.’ His voice was soft. Guilty. He knew her well enough now to know that he had hurt her, even though she wouldn’t show it. Lilah sat up and threw the blankets off her. ‘I have to go. I’m late for work.’, she said, putting on a skirt and blouse, a cold, steel expression on her face now.   
‘I’m sorry, Lilah. I didn’t mean to hurt you…’  
‘Hurt me?’, she laughed, and any ordinary person would believe it was a genuine laugh, though anyone who would really listen might be able to hear the desperate undertone.   
Wesley listened.  
‘O, please, Wesley. If it was that easy to hurt me I wouldn’t be standing here today. No, really, we should just forget this ever happened.’, Lilah said. She put on her high heels and walked off, brushing her loose brown curls over her shoulder as she did so.   
Wesley staid behind, feeling bad. But about what, exactly? About his father? About Lilah? Fred? Or all of them? Probably the latter. At least he didn’t have to feel bad about Gabrielle. He decided to put away his “broody” thoughts for now, and went to the living room for a much needed cup of coffee. Might help with his hangover, too.   
‘What was that all about>’, Gabrielle asked as she saw her father emerging from the bedroom. She’d been up for some time now, and was watching As the World Turns on tv. Not like there was anything else to watch, besides the morning news that was repeated for the fourth time that morning.   
‘Shouldn’t you be at school right now?’, Wesley inquired, surprised to see her still at home.   
‘I overslept. And then there was no one to take me to school, so I went to wake you up, but saw you and mom. Together. In bed..’, she replied with a grin. Of course, she wasn’t exactly a normal girl when it concerned certain things, but she was when it came to her parents. Just like every other child with divorced or separated parents she silently hoped they would once get together again. And, to Gaby it seemed like this had happened now.   
‘So I didn’t want to wake you up.’, she continued.   
Wesley remained quiet for a while, considering how to deal with this. ‘I don’t think you…’  
‘So you don’t deny it?! ‘, Gaby squealed. She hadn’t felt this thrilled in a very long time.   
‘You’re mother and I… we spent a night together, yes.’, Wesley admitted. He thought of how to continue, he had noticed how thrilled his daughter was, and he just couldn’t bring himself to break her heart, he just couldn’t.   
Gabrielle noticed his hesitation, but didn’t want to see it now, she just wanted to believe in this lie for now. It was a beautiful lie. She was just a person, after all. Persons are blind for beautiful lies sometimes, even people like Gabrielle.   
‘I knew it! Yes! I love you both so much! ‘, she gave her father a big hug and a kiss on both his cheeks. ‘I’ll take a cab to school!’, she exclaimed happily, and ran out, before Wesley had the time to say anything else. He sat down on the couch after she’d left, feeling even more guilty now. He realised he still had a lot to learn as a father. He got up and entered the kitchen. He really needed that coffee now. 

A rough 30 minutes later Gabrielle arrived on school. At least 2 hours late, but better late than never. Nothing could ruin her good mood, no matter what the consequences were of her being too late. After the bell had rang, Gaby met Stephanie at her locker.  
‘You’re late.’, she said. It wasn’t an accusing comment, just a fact.  
‘I am. I overslept.’, Gabrielle said, not completely lying. It just wasn’t the whole truth. She didn’t like to tell only half of the truth, but she wasn’t sure yet just how well she could trust Stephanie, she didn’t know her long enough for it. And besides, she probably wouldn’t understand the complicated stuff in their family, anyway.   
‘Can happen. Good thing you have me.’, Stephanie said wit ha grin. ‘I covered for you. Said you went to the dentist.’, she added.   
Gabrielle smiled widely. ‘Really?! Thanks, I owe you!’ This day only seemed to get better and better.   
‘You sure do! ‘ Both girls laughed and quickly collected their books as the bell for the next lesson rang.   
‘Time for a science test.’, Gabrielle sighed. It was her least favourite subject.. Besides gym class, obviously.   
‘Oh shit. I totally forgot! ‘, Stephanie cursed under her breath.   
‘Don’t worry.’, Gaby soothed her. ‘I owe you, remember?’

Wesley could think of a hundred, if not a thousand places he would rather be than where he was right now. Wolfram and Hart. But, he had made a mistake this morning by letting Gabrielle draw the wrong conclusion, and now he had to make it right. With Lilah’s help, if possible. And if not, he just found she had to know. She was Gabrielle’s mother, after all.   
He stepped into the elevator and tried not to look like someone who was pretty much helpless. He walked out of the elevator as it stopped, and headed for Lilah’s office on the fourth floor. Wesley knocked shortly and entered without waiting for a reply. Lilah and Lindsey were busy discussing some case with a client who seemed to be on the edge of a breakdown, and they hardly noticed Wesley at the door.   
‘Lilah, a moment please?’  
‘Wesley. ‘, she looked up surprised. ‘We’re kind of in the middle of something here.’  
‘It’s all right, we’re almost finished here anyway. Go take care of your love-issues.’, Lindsey assured her wit ha grin. Lilah shot him a glare and left for a n empty office with Wesley.   
‘What do you want, I’m working.’  
‘Interesting case?’, Wesley inquired, putting of the actual raison d’être.   
‘Divorce case. Regular. We do those sometimes, to keep up a good reputation on all fronts. Of course the man is a multimillionaire. ‘  
‘Of course.’, Wesley agreed, not having expected anything else from her.   
‘But you’re not here for the small talk.’, she said, meanwhile sorting out some papers about the case she’d been working on.   
‘No. You’re right, I’m not. ‘, Wesley admitted. ‘This is about Gabrielle.’  
‘What about her? Is she all right?’ Wesley couldn’t help but notice the concern in Lilah’s voice. She might have changed after all. A few months back she wouldn’t have showed her feelings, not even if it were small feelings like concern. He silently hoped he’d be able to help her show some more of her humanity soon. Very soon.   
‘She’s all right.. but.. she saw us together, this morning.’  
‘Oh.. did it upset her?’, Lilah asked. Gabrielle had never been supposed to see her! Lilah put the papers down and turned her full attention to Wesley.   
‘Quite the opposite, to be honest. She might have… misunderstood.’  
‘Misunderstood? In what way, exactly?’, she asked suspiciously. She was starting to suspect something was up here.   
‘In a way that she thinks you and I are now.. together.’  
‘Together? As in a couple?’, Lilah arched an eyebrow. ‘Well that’s just… interesting. But of course you did what you had to and set it right immediately… right?’  
Wesley was starting to feel pretty awkward right now. ‘I didn’t want to hurt her..’, he muttered, pretending to be fairly interested in a certain spot on the floor.  
‘Right, you didn’t want to hurt her. Now, imagine how not-amused she’ll be once ‘you’ tell her we’re just as not-together as before the little one-night stand.’, Lilah said, not intending to get too much involved in this.  
‘Well.. You see, that’s the point. I thought… perhaps we could.. leave her in this state of happiness for a while.’  
‘You mean you want to lie to her so you won’t have to admit you made a mistake.’, Lilah stated, shaking her head lightly at the idea.  
‘I wouldn’t call it that..’, Wesley said, hesitant. He knew this was wrong, it felt wrong, everything was wrong about this, but he so badly wanted to make his daughter happy that he didn’t face the consequences. Not right now, anyway.  
‘Well, whatever you want to call it, it’s wrong.’  
‘Wrong, Lilah? You have people killed on a daily basis and you think a small lie that’s in our daughter’s advantage is wrong?’, Wesley frowned, now officially declaring he didn’t understand anything about Lilah anymore. Or about women in general.   
Lilah understood nothing about herself either, and she didn’t like it at all. She’d always had full control over her own emotions, this was completely new “and” unpleasant to her. She’d been like that since moving in with Wesley, maybe she really need to hurry finding her own apartment.   
‘It just is. Fine, if you’re so sure it’s right then fine, it won’t give me nightmares, but I’m not going to cover you, or play the happy, flirty girlfriend, and you’re responsible if something goes wrong. All right? Good.’, Lilah picked up her files and papers again and left Wesley alone. Sure he had his doubts about this, but he simply refused to break Gabrielle’s heart.

When Gabrielle came home from school that after noon she found she was, as usually, home alone. She didn’t mind, though, she was used to it. And she was still in a good mood, anyway. Gaby poured herself a glass of coke, grabbed an apple to balance the sweetness of the coke and turned on the tv. “As The World Turns” was on again, great to do boring history-homework with. With a pen and a notebook on her lap Gaby let her mind wander off to her new school. Nick had smiled at her a lot, did that mean something or was he just trying to be nice? Making friends, maybe? Gabrielle had never really thought of boys liking her before. Sure, she’d nearly drooled over Brad Pitt pictures with Lisa and New York, and had secretly thought of herself as the girlfriend of the cutest boy in school, but those had just been dreams . Dreams that weren’t supposed to come true. On the whole, she’d mainly focused on her school work, and when she did go out if was with friends. She wondered why. Had she not seen the boys before, or had she not wanted to see them like she wouldn’t end up like her mother?   
When “As the World Turns” ended, Gaby turned off the TV. Time to fully concentrate on her homework. She didn’t think there was a lot of difference with the school in New York, and she’d always easily scored A’s there, but she wanted to make a good impression. And that was easier without the distraction of soap opera’s. 

The next evening, Wesley and Lilah had both time to have dinner with Gabrielle, but they both were unbelievably quiet. Gaby was ignorant to it, and filled up the silence by talking lots and lots about tons of different things such as school, Stephanie, and also.. Nick. Deep inside she knew this new home-situation was a lie, but she just desperately wanted to believe in it, because let’s face it, which girl with separate parents didn’t want her parents to get back together?   
‘Tomorrow’s Friday.’, she said, changing the subject after realising that telling her parents about Nick may not be such a good idea after all.  
Lilah and Wesley exchanged a look. ‘We know that.’, Lilah said.  
‘Well, remember what grandfather said about wanting to see me on Friday?’, Gabrielle reminded them.   
‘Yes, we remember, and we don’t want you to go.’, Wesley said, getting slightly nervous the second his father was mentioned. He just really didn’t want Gabrielle to go; she could get hurt, like he had been. Or she could “not” get hurt.. That might be even worse, because it would mean Roger wasn’t mean and abusive to everybody. It would mean it had to do with Wesley, that maybe he hadn’t been good enough after all…   
‘Little correction here, Wes. “You” don’t want her to go. I don’t care. She can handle him.’, Lilah commented , not in the mood to do the ‘I’m-in-love-so-I-agree-with-anything-my-lovey-says-game”.   
‘I’m just curious to find out what he wants.’, Gaby said. ‘Don’t worry daddy. I’m not going to let him hurt me, and the second he does or says something I don’t approve of I’ll call you. Okay?’   
Wesley sighed, he didn’t really have a chance here, it was two against one, so what else could he do then give in? ‘All right. As long as you really promise to call me in such a case.’, he said, still slightly reluctant.   
Gabrielle nodded and smiled. ‘ I promise. Can I leave now? I still have some homework to do.’  
Lilah nodded. ‘Yea, go. I’ll see you tomorrow morning before school.’ .  
Lilah turned back to Wesley when Gaby was off to her room. She still didn’t really agree to Wesley’s “plan” , but she didn’t have time to discuss that right now, she had another meeting at the office tonight. ‘Time to go for me too.’ She stood up and put her plate on the sink. ‘You know me, busy as always. I’ll see you later, “lover”’.   
Wesley glanced at her walking away, and rolled his eyes. “Lover..”, he thought. How ironic.


	11. Father Failure

11\. Father Failure

Friday after noon Gabrielle was on her way to meet her grandfather. She was slightly nervous, though of course not showing it. Besides nervous, she was also amused. She wasn’t sure how Roger did it, but he’d made sure she got the after noon of from school. Gaby entered the restaurant and hung up her black trench coat in the wardrobe. When that was all set, she entered the actual restaurant and found Roger already at a table for two. She walked over and smiled a calm, confidant smile. ‘Hello grandfather.’  
Roger stood up and shook his granddaughter’s hand. ‘Hello Gabrielle. I’m pleased to see you could make it.’ they both sat down and ordered a drink as the waiter stopped by.   
‘Yes, how could I not? You settled everything, thank you.’, Gabrielle replied in her best and most polite English.  
‘Of course I did. ‘.   
Gaby took a look at the menu and wondered what would be appropriate and English enough to eat in such an occasion. She still found it rather strange to be here, and definitely wasn’t exactly fond of this cold, English, distant man who was said to be family, especially because of what he did, and was still doing, to her father, but she’d come to the conclusion that it was best to play the game of politeness along. And Gabrielle was very good at the game of politeness, she’d been raised with it, and just like her mother, she hardly lost control. Yet when she did, it wasn’t pretty.   
‘Grandfather, with all respect, but I’d appreciate it if you’d get to the point now.’, she said, getting impatient, and, curious.   
‘The point, yes, indeed. Well, Gabrielle, considering my son’s personality and past failures, you must understand my expectations of his child he made together with an evil Wolfram & Hart lawyer weren’t exactly too high. But, I must admit, you surprised me. You appear to be a kind, intelligent young lady, and even though it’s possible you got one or two of your good qualities from your parents, I’m almost positive that you inherited them from me.’, Roger said. Gaby tried very hard to remain calm as he said these unacceptable things about Wesley, and couldn’t in the least be flattered by his words about her.   
‘Your point, grandfather?’.   
‘Now, I did some research on that school of yours, and I came to the conclusion that you have more skills and brains than those.. ordinary teenagers.’  
‘So you’re saying my school isn’t good enough?’, Gaby couldn’t help but frown .Her school wasn’t his business at all. This was almost funny, had it not been so serious.   
‘For you it isn’t, indeed. Therefore I’m offering you a chance.’, Roger continued.   
‘A chance…’.  
‘To a better education. I happen to know an excellent boarding school in London. The education level is a lot higher than on your recent school, and there are more subjects, which is also in your advantage. ‘.  
‘That all sounds very good, but I don’t understand… Why are you willing to pay for my extremely expensive education?’, Gaby questioned, her confusion not at all less yet.  
‘That’s very easy. My son hasn’t reached the goal I had in mind for him, and I think you can. I realize the Watcher’s Council no longer exists, but that’s not exactly the kind of profession I had in mind for you.’, her grandfather explained.  
‘And what exactly did you have in mind for me?’, Gaby inquired, starting to wonder if he found she actually had a say in this.  
‘I’ll leave that up to you, though I’m sure you will make a good choice on that front, but that’s for later concern.’.  
‘You want me to do this education, become something fancy, so you can show off with me as your intelligent granddaughter.’, Gaby stated, ordering a salad as the waiter came along again.   
‘Maybe. But why would you care? Dear, this is a great opportunity. If I were you I would take it and stop questioning why you got it.’, Mr. Wyndam-Pryce advised her, as he ordered something for lunch as well.   
‘What makes you think I want this? ‘.  
‘Of course you want this. You’re a Wyndam-Pryce.  
‘True, but I’m also a Morgan. ‘. . Gabrielle took a little sip from her drink. ‘I don’t want to leave Los Angeles, or my parents, or my new friends.’, she continued.   
‘They’re just people, they’ll always be here. This is about your future.’, Roger said, unable to understand the value she put in other people. ‘You’re my granddaughter. I want you to keep up the good family reputation, because my son didn’t, and why wouldn’t you?’.  
‘You expect me to make a decision about this right now? ‘.  
‘I don’t see why not, but all right, I’ll give you some time. I would like to hear your final answer by next Friday night.’. Roger handed her his card that also had his phone number on it, so she’d be able to call him about her decision. ‘Think about it. Consider your options, and then call me. Yes?’.   
Gabrielle took the card and put it in her purse, meanwhile her eyes never left her grandfather’s eyes. ‘I’ll think about it. I appreciate your offer.’. She stood up, without even having touched her salad. ‘Thanks for the lunch.’. Without any other words or good-byes, Gaby walked off, casually, heels clicking on the floor. Once she was outside again, getting in a cab, she thought of what had just happened. What ‘had’ just happened?? ‘Okay, let’s get everything straight here.’, she said to no one in particular, though she saw the driver glance at her. ‘My grandfather shows up to meet me. That part is understandable. Then, he offers me a no doubt inhumanly expensive education in England, because he wants me to keep up the Wyndam-Pryce reputation, because, according to him, my father didn’t, and I’m the only one left.’.   
The cab driver frowned. ‘Sounds interesting.’.  
‘Sure does. It’s rather annoying too, though. ‘. Gabrielle got out of the cab when they arrived at her destination and she paid the driver, including a generous tip. She walked over to Wesley’s apartment and opened the door with her key. Before she had said something, she heard voices. Her parents’ voices, which was strange, because especially Lilah was supposed to be at work.   
‘I’m telling you, she’s going to find out some day!’, Gaby heard her mother say. What was going on? Who was that she?, was it Gaby? If so, what couldn’t she find out?  
‘You can’t keep lying to her forever, you know!’, Lilah continued.   
‘We’ve started this together, Lilah, and we’ll continue this together.’. That was Wesley’s voice. Gabrielle got more confused every second, and couldn’t help but walk in on them to announce her presence. After all, if this was indeed about her she had all the right to know what was going on.   
‘Continue ‘what’, together, dad?’, she inquired, crossing her arms in a ‘don’t mess with me’ way.   
‘Gabrielle… I didn’t… How long have you been standing there??’. Wesley froze the moment he saw his daughter. Lilah had been right after all, this was something else in his life he’d done wrong… a decision he’d made somewhere in his panic with bad consequences. Was he really the disappointment and failure his father had always said he was?   
‘Long enough to know something’s up, and you’re going to tell me what it is.’, Gaby replied.  
Lilah sighed, she didn’t feel like playing this game along anymore, so decided it was up to her to come clean. ‘We lied to you. Your father and I spent a night together, yes, but that’s all it was. We don’t have a relationship, and we’re sorry we made you think that we did.’. That may have sounded a bit harsh, but tact had never been Lilah’s thing. She found it was a waste of time that on the whole didn’t make the slightest difference. Tact was for softies, and softies did ‘not’ include Lilah Morgan.   
Gabrielle couldn’t believe what her mother had just said. They’d been lying to her the whole time! Okay, in her heart she’d known it had been a lie, it had just been too good to be true, but still, they’d had no right to lie to her at all! It just wasn’t fair. Gaby felt the tears well up in her eyes. God, how she wished she had other, normal, parents right now.   
‘Gabrielle, I’m sorry..’, Wesley said. He’d broken her heart after all now…  
‘I can’t believe you! Both of you! ‘, Gaby exclaimed, tears running down her face, and her mascara started to run. Damn, she’d bought it to be waterproof, she’d make a complaint about that later.   
‘We did it for your own good, darling.’, Lilah said, trying to calm her daughter down. Maybe she’d partly caused this, but still, she hated to see her girl in pain, even though she’d caused so much more pain to many others on a daily basis.   
‘Don’t give me that crap! This is all your fault! I hate you! Both of you! ‘, Gaby yelled. She couldn’t stand seeing her parents any longer now, so she turned around and ran off to her room, slamming the door behind her like any other teen after a fight with her parents. She sat down on the bed, totally not the calm girl she usually was. She didn’t care though, she’d been hurt, betrayed, by the two people in this world she loved the most, who were supposed to guide her through this world, show her what’s right and what’s wrong. But not by lying to her! Or by betraying their own daughter! Well, she didn’t want to be their daughter anymore. Not like this.

Wesley sat on the couch, head in his hands, staring into the nothing. Lilah was pacing through the living-room and stopped every now and then to check her watch, making sure it wasn’t time yet to go attend her next meeting.   
‘It’s my fault.’, Wesley finally said, not giving up the staring. Lilah stopped her pacing and turned to look at him.   
‘Well, I could deny that to make you feel better, but then I’d be lying.’.  
‘Thank you Lilah.’.  
‘Honestly, Wes, I’d love to sit by you, hold your hand, and show my soft side, or whatever, but we both know where that would lead to; us having sex. Irresponsible, passionate, sex. That was fine, 17 years ago, it was great, even. But we have different lives now, we have a daughter. A daughter who got hurt because of something ‘we’ did. So, let’s not go there again shall we? ‘, Lilah said, realizing very well that it wasn’t ‘just’ Wesley’s fault that Gabrielle was upset, but that was something she didn’t like to admit.   
‘You’re right..’, Wesley said, trading his stare into the nothing for a glance at his ex-lover. ‘Maybe you should go check on her.’, he continued, worried about his daughter.  
‘Me? Why do I have to? I hate talking to upset people.’, Lilah complained, again, being reminded of her lack of tact.   
‘I don’t think Gabrielle will be very happy to see me under these circumstances.’.  
‘Yea… I don’t think so either.’. Lilah sighed, and went over to her daughter’s room. She knocked softly, but clear enough for Gaby to hear her. ‘Gabrielle, it’s me. Can I come in?’.   
‘Go away!’, came the angry reply from the other side of the door. Gaby just wanted to be alone, she didn’t want to see anyone, especially not her mother. She blamed Lilah the most, simply because she wasn’t used to having a father. Now she did, and she wasn’t ready to be mad at him, she wanted to trust him like she never really trusted her mother. She’d been disappointed by her so often. Lilah had never been there when Gaby had had school performances, or sports days. And now this… Gaby just couldn’t bring herself to blame Wesley.  
‘Gaby, I just want to talk about this. This was never our intention.’, Lilah said.  
‘Of course not. You just lied to me about something extremely important, knowing I’d sooner or later get hurt.’.  
‘I know, believe me.. Gabrielle, can I come in now? It’s not very comfortable talking to a closed door.’.  
‘You should have thought of that before all these lied.’. Gaby quietly sobbed.  
‘Just let me in.. please?’, Lilah added, a little impatient.  
‘Door’s open.’.  
Lilah entered her daughter’s room, cursing herself for actually thinking the door was locked. Gaby was laying on her bed, clutching a what looked like a teddy bear. ‘Aren’t you a little too old for a teddy bear?’.  
‘Aren’t you a little old to play games like this? To play mommy and daddy?’.  
Lilah sighed and sat down on the edge of her daughter’s bed. ‘Play, Gabrielle?’.  
Gaby sat up, facing her mom now. ‘Come on, mother, we both know what I mean. You were never there. You never helped me with my homework, you never came on sports days, and on parent – teacher nights you sent the nanny.’.  
Lilah walked over to the window, glancing at the outside-world that didn’t have to deal with this issues. ‘I know… I know I’m a bad mother, and.. I’m sorry.’. This was probably the hardest conversation in her entire life, she had to face the consequences of playing her role, and she didn’t like what she saw at all. ‘I’m sorry for never spending time with you. ‘. She took a deep breath. ‘And I’m sorry for not being a good mother.’. Lilah hadn’t noticed until now that she was crying.   
Gabrielle stared at the wall. ‘Yea, well, can’t change that anymore now can you? At least there are some people who apparently care about me. Or who at least don’t pretend to do so!’.   
Lilah turned away from the window. ‘I care about you.’  
‘I talked to Roger. He offered me an education on some expensive boarding school in England, because he wants me to keep up the good family name or whatever. At first I thought it was all big non sense but you know what, mom? I think I’m going. It’s not like I have a reason to stay here!’, Gaby cried, ignoring her mother’s last comment. Lilah stayed quiet for a while, thinking these words over. ‘If you really think that, then maybe you really should.’, she then said angrily, and walked off, knowing that she should have stayed and talked Gabrielle out of this, should have promised her to be a better person, a better mom, from on. Should have taken away her pain… but she couldn’t. Lilah couldn’t handle the confrontation with herself, not yet.   
‘What’s wrong?’, Wesley inquired after he noticed Lilah heading for the door, about to leave.  
‘Our daughter, that’s what’s wrong.’, she angrily replied. Anger was easier to show than pain. She walked off, slamming the door closed behind her. Wesley winced slightly and walked over to Gabrielle’s room. He knocked once on the side of the still open door to let her know that he was there. ‘Hey.. Can I come in?’, he asked softly, wanting to find out what had made Lilah so angry. Gabrielle shrugged, she’d actually wanted to be alone, but Wesley was okay.   
‘You know I’m sorry… I was wrong when I assumed what I did was right.’, Wesley said, sitting down on a chair.   
‘You were wrong… But I’m not mad at you, not the way I should be.’, Gaby told him.   
‘So you’re mad at your mother instead?’, Wesley inquired, getting up from the chair and taking place on the bed behind his daughter instead. He held her in his arms for a while as he listened to her telling everything; everything what had just happened, and also what had happened with his father during lunch.   
‘You know maybe you could have told your mother how you feel with a little bit more tact…’, Wesley carefully suggested as he gently stroked Gaby’s hair. He felt sorry for Lilah but understood his daughter’s anger.   
‘I could have…’, Gaby nodded. ‘Should have, maybe. But didn’t.  
‘’ We can go talk to her later. Let’s leave her alone for a while first, that’s probably what’s best. So… what did you think of your grandfather’s proposition?’, Wesley inquired. He would hate to see his daughter leave after only knowing her for such a short time, and especially if she’d leave for England, the country in which he once had a most awkward childhood, but he was also aware that Gabrielle was old enough to make her own choices, so if she wanted to go to London he’d have to respect her choice.   
‘I don’t know.. I told mom I wanted to go because… when she was here , and I was angry, I did want to go, but now I don’t know, dad.’. Gaby said the truth, she honestly didn’t know what she wanted. She was just feeling incredibly tired from all today’s emotions.   
Wesley smiled and held her close, continuing to stroke her hair in a soothing motion. ‘You don’t have to decide right away.’, he told her. If she’d wanted to go, he would let her go. Wesley would do everything, anything, as long as he didn’t look like his father.


End file.
